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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a lone knight set out on an epic quest. The name of this knight was Sir Roey, and his mission was to rescue the beloved Princess Caitlin. For Caitlin had been captured by the vile giant keychain piñata, who had then locked her away in the highest room of the tallest tower in his post-it castle of darkness. Sitting alone in the yellow abyss of post-its that became her prison, Caitlin sighed, muttering to herself, “How could I have been so foolish as to go to Goodcents alone? I should have known that the free sandwich with all its tasty-deliciousness would be a trap!” Luckily (or perhaps not so luckily) Sir Roey was setting out on his rescue mission.

Buckling his sword to his hip and suiting up in his brand new armor, he mounted his noble skateboard and set off on his journey, price tag flapping in the wind. First, his search took him too New York, then to Universal Studios, and somehow he even managed to reach Hawaii… but no sign of Princess Caitlin. Scratching his head, Roey wondered where she could be. He rummaged through his black and white satchel (also complete with price tag), looking for the folder of evidence that had been presented to him before his expedition. Opening the folder, he searched for a clue through all the data, tossing many random papers aside that had nothing to do with the Princess’s capture. Finally, he noticed a note that he had overlooked while cramming everything into his satchel. This is what it said:
Muahaha! I, the Evil Piñata have captured the beautiful Princess Caitlin and taken her to my Evil Post-it Castle of Darkness in Guadalupe! Forever she shall file and organize my post-its! Try to rescue her IF YOU DARE!
“Oh…” said Roey, and he mounted his skateboard once more.

It took him quite some time to reach Guadalupe, seeing as he had torn and crumpled his map, but with some directions he arrived at last. The post-it tower was quite noticeable and also quite impressive. It takes a lot of skill to make a tower entirely out of post-its. Though after reaching Guadalupe, finding the tower had been fairly easy, getting inside would be quite a trial.

The castle was surrounded by a moat full of snapping scissors and the only bridge was guarded by a burly man in uniform. Roey reached for his sword… but he seemed to have lost it in New York, so instead he took out a sharp pencil and charged at the guard, screaming “Forsooth!” The guard merely blinked as the pencil broke upon his armor, and then he glared at Roey, who chuckled nervously. The guard held out a tin of green tea mints and spoke in a gruff voice,
“In order to gain entry, thou must eateth this entire tin of mints.” Roey carefully took the tin and proceeded to eat all the green tea mints.
“AHH! THE MINTY-FRESHNESS! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!!” he shrieked, attempting to scrape the taste off his tongue with an old crumpled face-wipe. As Roey crossed the bridge, he glared at the guard, but didn’t say anything because his tongue was throbbing.

It would seem that Princess Caitlin would soon be free, but just before reaching the gate, Roey looked down to see a toy race car. “Ooo! Racecar!” he proclaimed with glee as he sat down and began to play with the toy. Caitlin had heard the noise outside, and leaned her head out of her tower window to see what was going on.
“Hello?!” she called out, mild annoyance in her voice. Roey though, did not respond, so Caitlin decided to drop her Spanish book upon his head in an attempt to get his attention. “Can you please hurry up and rescue me already? I have a treaty signing to attend at six, and then must complete my studies by eight!” she waved her planner in the air as she spoke. Unfortunately, she had said all this in Spanish in an attempt to confuse the piñata (who was strangely French) and Roey hardly understood a word. He opened his satchel to look for his Spanish notes, but couldn’t find what he was looking for because of his lack of organization. Groaning, he decided to just go inside the castle and get this mission over with.

Annoyed that he could not go up stairs with his skateboard, he strapped it to his satchel and marched up the steps. Sir Roey was quite tired when he reached the top; after all, what else could you expect after mounting a thousand stairs in a suit of armor? Taking out a bent paperclip, he began to pick the lock to the door. After a while, it swung open, and Caitlin rushed out, swinging her backpack over her shoulders. The two hurried down the stairs, heading for the exit. Just as they reached it, the sunlight suddenly was blacked out by the enormous silhouette of the Evil Keychain Piñata. The piñata snarled and charged at them. “You will not escape!” it roared, crêpe paper tassels waving menacingly as its chained tail swished behind it with a rattling noise.

Roey had no idea what to do, because he hadn’t read the piñata-fighting part of the knight’s combat manual. True, many people tend to ignore this part, but as you can see, it is quite important. The piñata was gaining speed, and it swung its chained tail up in the air, but just before it could bring it down to crush the two of them, Caitlin whipped out a large binder from her backpack, and shouted at the top of her lungs, “APUSH kills!” She flung the binder at the piñata with a precise and deadly aim, and with a deafening cry of agony, the piñata exploded into a thousand candy bits. Caitlin slowly stepped into the mess of candy and papier-mâché and retrieved her binder, dusting it off before placing it into her backpack between her English and science notebooks. Roey could only gape at the exploded piñata, thinking to himself, “I guess being organized can really save your life…”


The End