It's my birthday, yet it doesn't feel like it should be. I don't know, usually you celebrate this sort of things when everythings fine and dandy. I just don't feel like it this year. So instead of sitting around rather pathetically singing happy birthday to myself. I'm just not going to really celebrate it. For those of you wondering, I turned 22 today, yeah I'm getting old.
I do apperciate those of you who mentioned happy birthday to me, especially you Jacob for calling me at midnight to sing. It's great, but I'll just have my real party once things turn for the better. Probally once I'm able to move, I'm working on transfering now. It's a bit more difficult since I haven't worked in my postion 6 full months, doesn't matter if I've been there two years. So I have to get my transfer approved by a bunch of different people. I could take a month leave of absence and just move, but if I don't secure the transfer I risk losing the job.
It sucks being torn by wanting to leave to finally be with people that won't step on your heart. But at the same time not wanting to leave the job you actually like. I could just quit and find a new job later. But I don't want to put the stress of an missing person at work on my coworkers. So at the same time, my sense of responsibility is a huge factor.
I also hate having to break my lease. This really really sucks, that this happened right as I signed a lease. Why couldn't this of happened before that? Why did I have to anchor myself here and get stuck in this misery? God, it's easy to hate the person that sparked all this. But I have to be nice, but god, I was screwed over.
Even with my job, and lease. At the same time my mom might have a brain tumor. Or it might just be a stroke, either way. I've only seen both my parents once in 2 years. I left them when they didn't want me to. I don't even have anything to show for me leaving, only that they were right. So I really want to go home, because who knows how much longer they or anyone for that matter will still be around. All I know is my family, and real friends are up in Illinois, and work, and casual friends are down here. Which way would you head?
~DJ Bothwell
 XDvandalDJ · Wed Sep 19, 2007 @ 04:49pm · 0 Comments |
