So we're back to living together like we did over the summer. Just for her break over college. It's good to be able to look into her eyes and hold her again. So far we've had a bunch of fun. I drove 18 hours with her mom to Virgina Beach, Virgina where we were meeting for thanksgiving. Then she rode back with us and is back at my house. She got her job back at Sam's Club and is actually at work as I type this.
We've hit another slight bumpy patch. Mostly, she's getting upset and stressing out over us. She really fears being responsible for something bad happening in the event I move down to live with her in Savannah.
So she goes through periods of being happy, and then getting really stressed out over things. Which I'm feeling like she channels that stress back at me.
Last night she told me her family compared me to a puppy over thanksgiving following her around. Which has really gotten to me. Yes, I was over joyed to see her. I drove 18 hours with her mother, hadn't seen her in a month and just wanted to be around her finally. I don't know her family. So of course I talked with her most of the time.
She acted like this worried her and thought all the things I did for her were to much and asked me who would do all that for someone?
Which completely confuses me as the things I've done haven't been a big deal. Mostly spending time with her family when she wasn't around. Helping her mom install some hooks in her garage, ect. With josie herself I just try to be there for her when she needs it. Even when she's at school and busy with friends. I'm trying to be there, and at the same time give space.
It's like when I do one thing she gets upset for it not being the opposite. I turn it around, and we go around about it again. It's frustrating and really taxing on me. I don't like confrontations.
Especially now when I don't know how to act. If I'm one way, it upsets her this time. But not another time. She wants to talk about things but I just don't know how to approach them without setting her off.
We go great together. We really do. But she told me about her having depression when we first got together and how it can get real bad with mood swings. When we first started dating she was really great and didn't have any problems. But I'm feeling that the stress of being away is really taxing her.
I have plans to move down there. She wants me too. Unless she's having one of her mood swings. Last night she told me she was worried about it. Because she wasn't feeling happy and didn't know how long she'd be with me. But this morning she talked about what our future children would look like.
Emotionally this is a lot for me. I'm doing everything in my power to be strong, and supportive. She's going to be here until January 1st so I plan on making the best of it and helping her figure things out.
But excuse me if I'm getting a little battered. It's just tough to be cuddling, laughing, and having a great time just lying around and talking together. When suddenly you see your girlfriends expression change and she looks down and instantly gets distant. Nothing prompting it just out of no where. It's an up and down battle.
I care a lot about her. I hope our future remains together and doesn't change due to distance, or mood swings.
I'll stay strong. But I'm no puppy, and will be respected and appreciated.
~DJ Bothwell
 XDvandalDJ · Sun Dec 06, 2009 @ 01:37am · 0 Comments |
