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I was in an accident.
Only a few days ago, Saturday 29th, September, I was happy. I was with my girlfriend, Morgan. Let me tell you about her. I met her around 3 months ago, I contacted her because my mother knew her through her mother. She seemed cool enough, and I remember seeing her in Hannaford’s once. I was never planning on instantly dating the girl, I never wanted to. That was until I spoke to her for the first time.
She fascinated me. She was nothing like I was, but everything I wanted to be. She was happy, out going, and beautiful. Within the first couple of hours of speaking to her, I wanted to meet her. So, together we planned to go to the movies.
We met in a parking lot, down in Barre, where I drove the two of us to the movie. I could barely take my eyes off her. This girl seemed so, for lack of better words, weird! And she was, she was different then everyone else in many ways. She was perfect. I wanted to know her more, I wanted to be with her more.
I only knew her for about a week, and we had only gone out a few times, and we were dating. I fell in love faster then I thought possible. Everything seemed at first to be moving to fast, but then, it all felt so right at the same time.
We took our time after that, letting things happen naturally. It did not take long, before I admitted, that I was in love with her. To my great satisfaction, she admitted to being in love with me as well. I was so happy. I never wanted to part with her.
Time went on, we grew more intimate. Soon, we were going out regularly, and acting as any couple would. I was so very much in love.
I met her family, and she met mine. Most of the time we would just sit around on my couch and try and think of something to do, or rather I would think of something for us to do. I would ask her: “So what do you want to do today?” She would look at me, smile, and say: “I’unno!” as she always did.
She could never decide on anything, and I never knew what to decide. So, we would sit around watching TV, or a movie or something. And we loved it. Just being around her made me feel so much better.
We did not only sit around though, we did a variety of things. She and her friend went to a Zoo in Canada, and I went with them. She had never been to a Zoo before, which I thought everyone should see at least once in their life. We went to many movies, and to dinner a few times. We even went bowling now and then with my friends, though she was better than I, and even better then some of my friends.
She really was amazing. She still is.
Then one day, she wanted me to know where she went to school, so that I would be able to go watch her play soccer some day. She really liked playing sports like that. And I really wanted to see her play. So, sense we had time to go before we headed out to go bowling that evening, we hoped in my car, and I drove, she showed me the way.
Everything was going smoothly, though, we did get caught behind some obnoxiously slow drivers, whom seemed to be to interested in the trees rather then the road. Outlanders, flat footers, people from out of state, the kind who only come to see the sights I guess.
Well, things went smoothly for the most part, we passed through the town where she lived and were on our way to Chelsea, where she went to school. I’ll never forget that drive.
We came to a straight away, at the end of the straight away was an S curve. Naturally, I slowed down about 10 miles to make the turn. But, something went wrong. The car bumped, and jerked to the side of the road. The right side tires were then caught in a ditch. I tried to pull out, as best I could, what would anyone else do? The car would not budge.
This is where I made my first mistake, the mistake that could have changed everything. Instead of putting my foot down on the brakes to stop, I hit the gas, in an effort to give the car more power to get out of the ditch. In this struggle, I forgot about the turn. We hit a large dirt mound ahead of us, where the road turned to the left before turning right again.
Time seemed to slow down, the car rocked up to one side then back down. We were going so fast. I slammed down on the brakes, but it did not help. Soon the car was headed straight for the other side of the road. I tried as hard as I could to stop the car. Nothing helped.
Soon, the world was turned upside down as the car rolled in a seemingly timeless loop down the bank. I tried to grab Morgan, I could only think about making sure she was going to be alright. But, as the car came to a stop, and I tried to steady myself, I knew something was wrong.
I turned the car off, and tried to open my door, it would not budge, I had to slam my body against the door to push it open. As soon as I was out, the first thing in my head was, Morgan. I ran to the other side of the car, the entire passenger side has trashed, and she leaned against her door, her head laying out the broken window.
I ran to her side, I asked if she was alright, she spoke, quietly, and calmly, like she did not even know what had happened. She asked if I was ok, and I assured her I was fine. She was bleeding all over, there was a large gash in her head. I did not know what to do, but she calmed me down with that sweet voice of hers. Soon, my senses came back. I threw my hand over her head, where the gash was, and began to wipe away some of the blood on her face. But… the image of her sitting there, helpless, bleeding… it haunts me every time I shut my eyes.
A passing car stopped and a man came down to our aid. I don’t remember much from there, just Morgan’s calm voice. She said she could not feel her legs, and was having difficulty moving her arms. Even through all that, she managed to lift her arm up, and lay her hand on my arm, before it slipped back down to her side.
I held her head in my arms, kissing her bloodied forehead. But this time, I could hear an ambulance in the distance. Morgan’s humor never left her. “Jordan,” she said, “I don’t think we are going bowling tonight.”
I smiled, looking down at her. “No hun, but I think the guys will understand.” I said, my voice shaking…
The medics rushed down the hill, and asked me to step back from her. Reluctantly, I did so, and watching them work I felt my knees give in to the weight of what had just happened. I fell back, into the arms of one of the medics who set me down on the ground. I broke down, tears filling my eyes. What had I just done? How could this happen? Why her?
I tried to stand back up, to go back to her, to return to comfort the one I loved. But the medics would not let me. Weak, and in shock, they were able to set be down on a back brace, where they strapped me down. As soon as I realized what they were doing I fought back in protest. They wanted to take me away from Morgan.
The cuffed my head in a neck brace, and I was unable to move. They lifted me, and I told them to let me stay with Morgan. I guess Morgan heard my arguments because over the panicked chatter of the medics I heard her sweet voice once again. “I still love you, Jordan.”
Those words cut so deep, they killed whatever fight was left in me. More effective then any restraints, sedatives, or person holding me back, her words set me into a world of pain, and sorrow. I was carried away. They were asking me questions. I don’t even remember answering…
The trip to CVH was the longest trip in my life. In my head, the events played back, over and over. Seeing her, seeing her hurt, it killed me. When she stepped into that vehicle with me, she trusted her life in my hands. She trusted me with her safety, and I failed her. It was my fault. It was all my fault.
When I arrived at CVH I was able to recognize reality once again. I looked down, and lifted my arms. Her blood covered every possible part of me. Her blood, it burned like acid.
I felt like screaming out, but I was barely able to speak. My mother arrived, and from there, they cleaned me up, took X-Rays, and conducted tests…. I was perfectly fine.
So why, I thought. Why did they have to take me from her? Why did hey bring me here? I should be with her!
I was angry. But, I could do nothing…
It’s been two days sense then. I am haunted by the images, the sounds, and the sorrows. I heard she may not be able to walk again. She had damaged her spine at some point during the crash. One of her vertebrae was displaced. She has recovered feeling in her arms and body but… it is still uncertain if her legs will recover.
She loved sports. She was always full of energy, always moving about, always doing something. But now… now I have taken all that away from her. I have done terrible things…
Why, I still ask myself, why could it not have been me? Why did she have to suffer for a mistake I made? It was not fair, it IS not fair. Yet still, again… there is nothing I can do.
We, humans, have created a technical world of machines and computers. We marvel in our own brilliance. Machines, make our life easier. But they also create dangers far greater them some that nature itself presents.
These machines, even these vehicles were drive and operate on a daily basis, are a constant threat to our lives. One wrong move, and it could all be over. The human body is a fragile thing. And the force that it takes to destroy it is not always so unimaginable. Remember that. Remember what it is we have created around us. Remember how the things we build can affect us. And remember how one wrong move can change your world forever.
As for Morgan, it is still uncertain how she will end up. I can only hope for the best. I can only hope she will forgive me. I can only hope, she will still love me. Because I still love her. More so then ever before. And that will never change.
I'm just looking for a way to live with myself now. After such a terrible thing... how can I ever be forgiven?
 Tosuno · Tue Oct 02, 2007 @ 01:08am · 1 Comments |
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