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Things have been so busy lately....We went up to OHSU to see grandma today. Overall, they said she has improved since they removed the tumor from her brain, but she is confused and afraid, or was when we saw her, though health wise she looked okay. The doctors removed all but the outter shell of the larger tumor (they couldn't remove that without removing part of the brain), and have spotted one smaller tumor, and suspect at least two more. They have been identified as a lymphoma, which is a cancer of the blood, and does not originate in the brain. They are looking for the origin, and suspect it is somewhere in the abdominal cavity. They will be doing tests this week to find out where it is, but she will not be able to come home. This is the grandmother I have lived with since I was four years old, and to see her like this is tearing me appart. I'm so confused and afraid, I don't know what to do. I want to talk to John, but I can't right now, and I know that my brother want's to talk to Erin, John's sister. He never tells me, and usually refuses when I offer to let the two talk, but I read in his gaia journal that he wants to talk to her a lot, and I cannot blame him. Though partly I do because he's the one that refuses when I offer. Oh, well. If you pray, please pray. Things are going downhill fast and I am not sure how much more of this we can take.
P.S. The cancer is treatable, though not curable. To add on, members from her church are coming over once a week to deliver food for us, and my second family, who is already doing a lot to support me, including paying for gas and doctor bills, said that, since I have no ride home from school so that I must drive myself to school, that they will be putting gas in my tank since I am unable to pay for the gas myself. This is wonderful and all, but I'm not the kind of person that can take such kindness lightly. I feel bad enough that I can't do anything to help because I don't have a job yet, and no one seems willing to hire me for some reason or other. I cannot afford to transport myself to school four days a week or I would, and, the way things are going now, we will be losing our home soon (by that I mean anywhere between 3 and 9 months from now before we are evicted). I don't want that. I wish I could help pay our bills, but right now I lack the means to do so. Day after day it seems less and less like God is watching over us and taking care of us as it says in the Bible that he is doing, and more and more like he is torturing us for some sick joke or something.
PPS: PLEASE DO NOT PREACH TO ME ABOUT GOD! I don't want to hear it any more! I am sick of it! I was raised believing in god, that he is taking care of us, but now I know it's all a big fat lie! So don't talk to me about god any more! I won't hear any more of it! I am sick of the lies!
 OutaiTabibito · Mon Oct 08, 2007 @ 04:12am · 1 Comments |
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