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To those of you who don't know me... why the hell are you reading my journal?
Meh. Anyway, to those who don't know me, I am currently in my tertiary studies
training to take up the honourable profession of saving some moron's life when
he decides to inhale staples.

Yes, that has happened. And yes, I am becoming a doctor.

As a doctor, I am going to see both the best and the worst of humanity. My
tutors have told me stories of friends of theirs killed by psychotic crystal
meth addicts, stabbings by paranoid people in tinfoil hats, and general abuse
by mothers who believe the illuminati are controlling everyone through tiny
microchips in immunisation shots. (I don't care what you say. Get your damned
injections - it'll save me work, and if I know you well enough, I WILL pin you
down and give it to you myself) Yet we also see the joy on a mother's face
when we tell her that her premature baby is going to be okay if we stick it
under a blue light for an hour or so, or when a man wakes up from anaesthesia
and we tell him that his cancerous tumour has been successfully destroyed.

Yet that doesn't scare me, not one bit. I'm used to the idea of people trying
to do me in, and I love helping people, so it doesn't faze me.

But... I am scared of death. See, no doctor can truly say how he will handle
losing a patient until he has lost one. No doctor can truly say that they will
not require severe therapy when a baby dies in their arms, or when the man
who they have been tirelessly operating on for seven hours flatlines.

I am lucky enough to have a doctor for a father, and he is also the man I can
honestly say I respect the most in the world. He's someone I can turn to for
advice at any time, and on one occasion (at least) I have confessed my fear
of this very event happening. He had no answers for me; nobody can provide the
answer to this question for anyone else.

The second part about being a doctor that scares me is the utter power that I
receive. I come to learn the location of every single artery, vein and nerve
in a human body - every day I learn more. Doctors could, quite easily, kill
any person they wanted to in any manner that they wanted to - the sheer
frailty of the human body makes this possible. We gain a knowledge of the
inner workings of the body that feels nothing short of intimate - not sexual,
ye Gods no. But that same idea, of being so close to it you feel like a part
of it and it is a part of you too. Seeing as I first noticed this when we were
discussing the invincible organ known as the liver, it's not surprising.
Yet I come to learn every weak point in the human body, every design flaw,
everything.

The final part that scares me... I will not divulge. Maybe one day, but not
today.