Here's my first 'rant.' And beware It's going to be a long involved one. A subject that I am really touchy on. :[
And a subject that will be ongoing. You are sure to be reading more of these really soon.
And a subject that will be ongoing. You are sure to be reading more of these really soon.
Well yesterday marked 7 months since Brittany moved. *Sigh* I'm still trying to get over it. And her. It's been tooooo long since I saw her last. I care about her so freaking much! And so long since we've actually had a REAL conversation. Not a ten minute talk on AIM..It hurts soo much. I hate that she ignores me most of the time. And I hate that I send her a message she reads it but never replies to it. Everyone keeps telling me to move on from her and forget her..but I can't. No matter how hard I try. And I really DO try. It just seems to get harder and harder and harder. And it doesn't help when I don't think about her for days and days and than for no reason at all I have a dream about her. The dreams are always the same: Me visting her and spending time with her and having a damn good time. I actually had a dream about her over the weekend. I had finally gotten to visit her and I was trying to talk to her and she would talk to me for a few minutes and then she would walk off. And then there was a part where she was on a balcony reading a book and there were stairs for me to climb to get to her. But I had to get through her mom first. And her mom took me off into the woods to talk to me and when we were done she mumbled under her breath 'she still hasn't gotten over her..' I walked back over to Brittany on the balcony and she was still reading but the stairs were gone and I couldn't get to her. And it killed me that she was right there above me and I couldn't even touch/talk to her. I wish I knew what it all meant. And I wish I could just move on and forget about her. And most of all I wish she would talk to me. *Sighs again* I just hate that she's the reason that I am depressed most of the time. She's living in North Carolina with amazing friends and a great boyfriend and I'm stuck here with all the same friends and still no boyfriend OR girlfriend. cry I'm soo jealous. I love her so damn much and she's no longer within my reach. I would die for her if it ever came to it. If only she knew what I go through..But then again I have my doubts that she would care even if she did know. Which is bad I know. But welcome to my great and complicated dilema and life. I shouldn't have gotten realed into her life in the first place..
I hope I didn't bore any of you too much. Sorry if you didn't understand any of it. If you really care and want to talk or something just PM me. I may or may not talk with you..
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