Ugh apparently their is such a thing as caring to much. One of my friends that i care very much about just recently found out that i cared about her and got wierded out and broke all communication with me. I tried calling that didn't work. I tried IMing her 2 of my screennames got blocked. So finally i sent an email and asked what was going on and why should wouldn't talk to me and asked her to not lie. Well, i got my wish regretably aparently i cared to much and she wasn't a "close friend" kinda of person and that she didn't mean to ignore me like she did it's just she didn't know how to deal with it. While reading this every sentence is like a knife to my heart and then it hits me. This is why i never cared about people in the past 4 years and became a total jerk untill i met her and things were great. So now i'm sitting there like wtf do i do now. Can't talk to her...still can't and she's leaving soon if not already gone. I didn't even get to say my good byes at graduation a week ago and now she's just walking out of my life. Now it's not that she thought that i wanted to get in her pants or anything like that, not taht i haven't thought about it, but she was like "one of the guys" and just really fun to be around and now i can't stop thinking about her and i want to stop because it's keeping me up at night i can't get to sleep at a decent hour. When i do sleep i end up waking up around 5 PM which is way to late into the day to get anything done.....I just don't know what to do, it feels like my whole life is just crashing down on me and i don't know how much i can take. I can't just run away from this, it's not me i'm not a coward or a quiter. Just the only option i have now is to forget about her which is hard because in my 4 years of highschool my senior year was the only yaer i didn't go to school scared of getting jumped by 5-10 guys that were afriad to take me 1v1 or worry about the next argument i got in and so on. I spent my whole year just hangin out with her and it became my best year of school in it's entirety. *sigh* I thought writing this all would make me feel better but it's not....it's better than downing a pint of vodka i guess.
 Kuainu · Thu Jun 09, 2005 @ 08:37am · 1 Comments |
