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The new film from Ang Lee, the Academy Award-winning director of “Brokeback Mountain” and “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” A startling erotic espionage thriller about the fate of an ordinary woman’s heart, it is based on the short story by revered Chinese author Eileen Chang, and stars Asian cinema icon Tony Leung opposite screen newcomer Tang Wei.

Shanghai, 1942. The World War II Japanese occupation of this Chinese city continues in force. Mrs. Mak, a woman of sophistication and means, walks into a café, places a call, and then sits and waits. She remembers...how her story began several years earlier, in 1938 China. She is not in fact Mrs. Mak, but shy Wong Chia Chi (Tang Wei). With WWII underway, Wong has been left behind by her father, who has escaped to England. As a freshman at university, she meets fellow student Kuang Yu Min (Wang Leehom) Kuang has started a drama society to shore up patriotism. As the theater troupe’s new leading lady, Wong realizes that she has found her calling, able to move and inspire audiences - and Kuang. He convenes a core group of students to carry out a radical and ambitious plan to assassinate a top Japanese collaborator, Mr. Yee (Tony Leung). Each student has a part to play; Wong will be Mrs. Mak, who will gain Yee’s trust by befriending his wife (Joan Chen) and then draw the man into an affair. Wong transforms herself utterly inside and out, and the scenario proceeds as scripted - until an unexpectedly fatal twist spurs her to flee. Shanghai, 1941. With no end in sight for the occupation, Wong - having emigrated from Hong Kong - goes through the motions of her existence. Much to her surprise, Kuang re-enters her life. Now part of the organized resistance, he enlists her to again become Mrs. Mak in a revival of the plot to kill Yee, who as head of the collaborationist secret service has become even more a key part of the puppet government. As Wong reprises her earlier role, and is drawn ever closer to her dangerous prey, she finds her very identity being pushed to the limit...

http://www.apple.com/trailers/focus_features/lustcaution/trailer/

IN ORDER TO CAPTURE HIS HEART, SHE MUST BREAK HERS.

Warning: This movie is certainly not for kids!!! Contains some sexual scenes that are deleted just for it to be allowed to be shown in China. It is rated NC-17 or R-18, if you live in the same place as mine.

Uhm, there, I now admit that I have watched the movie and I am still not of the legal age to watch it. But the hell I care?! It would just be only a few weeks before I turn 18. I also go to a university where those kinds of movies are really appreciated as art films and where open-mindedness is a virtue. Anyway, the question is not about if I am legal or not, but the way it has affected me.

I have a crush on someone just recently. Now, I think that because of that movie, I have woken up most of my repressed sexual desires and that, is definitely not right.
(well, according to my superego.)*

I said that it is definitely not right because 1. it is sinful for a Catholic like me to think of having sex with someone (haha, as if watching that movie isn't enough to make me go to hell.) 2. the guy is GAY (by this I do not mean happy, but well, he could be) and he and his boyfriend are doing IT. 3. He has done a lot of vices, drugs, wine and men...T.T

As much as possible, I diverted my attention to studies so as to make those tensions useful. This tensions are what is known as libido. Carl Jung used the term synonymously with instinctive energy in general. I continued on with my life, acting normally. Then, I met him again. And it's all coming back to me now. (Pardon me for using a song's lyrics.) What should I do? some of my girl friends suggest masturbation, WTF?!

Oh by the way, in case you want a connection between the movie and me, I think that I am a sadist-masochist just like Mrs. Mak in the movie. I am sort of satisfied that I am making myself suffer because of trying to repress my id*, and on the other hand, make someone suffer because I am making him hope that he has a chance of being my bf, when in fact he doesn't have a chance.

oh well, life goes on.
*forgive me, but I am a fan of Freud see the glossary of terms in the next journal entry.