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Okay we just found out tonight that grandma's heart stopped yesturday and the nurses at OHSU had to recusitate her. Tomorrow we are going to go visit her. It may be the last time we get to see her alive. The doctors say she could go tonight or within the next few days. Either way, she hasn't got much time left. Why does it have to end this way for her? Why does she have to suffer like this? And why just before Christmas? We were all going to gather as a family, aunts, uncles, cousins alike, for Christmas so we could all be together with grandma for Christmas. Now we don't think she will make it that long. God is one sadistic b*****d son of a b***h. What right does he have to take our grandmother away like this, especially just before Christmas? I hate him so much!

Update: At 12:20pm, Pacific Standard Time, December 13, 2007, my grandmother, Vera M. Van Houten, passed away. Rest well, grandma, we all miss you so very much.

Another Update: We foudn out the same day grandma died that the bank will not negotiate with us, so we will be losing our home. Grandpa estimates about 3-4 months before we are evicted. I really don't want to go through the hassle of moving, and I like my room and the kitchen and the house the way it is. I just don't want to move.

P.P.S. My worst nightmares are about to come true. the one who is the cause of all my nightmares is coming here to stay for a few days, just as in my nightmares. Grandpa doesn't want me to lock myself in my room, he's trying to force me to forgive this person, which I cannot do right now. I'm still going to lock myself in my room, though, so i will not be online those days.

P.S. Merry ******** Christmas. stare -_-