Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I'm tired...

Tired of being in this s**t hole called my life.
Tired of living in a house that never will be a home.
Tired of being something that I'm not and never will be.
Tired of seeing my family lie to each other.
Tired of watching the mother that I'm supposed to love and respect continuously rip my heart out with mean things to say to me.
Tired of knowing that my father doesn't even give a damn about me or my brother anymore.
Tired of having something that I never had in the first place.

I'm just tired of everything...

My back is figuratively and literally up against a wall and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

The best option for me now is to just sit in that corner and wait for the encroaching darkness to wash itself like a towering tsunami, obliterating everything in its path.

And to be honest... That seems like a good option...

Current Mood: Disturbed, halfway ready to get a rope and tie it around my neck and go jump off the 3rd St. bridge. Reason why I won't do it is because there's still people that I still care for.

Reason for leaving this disturbing post: Ok, I'll tell you...

It was all because I made one simple mistake.

One simple mistake that my mother made a big ******** deal out of for no apparent reason at all.

When the phone rang, I was near it and I looked at the caller ID. It didn't show a name, but it did in fact display a number. However, it wasn't a Del Monte number. I pick up the phone, seeing that wasn't someone from that plant asking for Dave to come in early. It was some sort of 800 number, probably from a telemarketer, or something. When I told the guy on the other line that he was asleep, I hang up, and my mother walks in from the bathroom all like "Who was it?" I said, "It didn't say on the ID, there was a number, though." She gets all pissy at me saying not to answer the phone if it was Dave's boss asking for him to come in early. I wanted to say that it wasn't from Del Monte, but rather just someone else asking for him, but I couldn't. Ma was already stark-raving mad at me for making one simple mistake.

"Why can't you do what you're told?!" She said amongst the rest of angry words.

Those words will forever haunt me for the rest of my life... And will forever be the reason why I will hate her for the rest of her life until the day she dies.

Another reason why I so want to get rid of myself as soon as possible, beacuse I'm tired of being in this house. And don't start going off about "that's why there's the option of moving out". This goes a lot deeper than that, I can assure you. And to be honest, it most certainly does.

I'd go on, but I'm not taking up this website's precious bandwidth and explain.

I honestly can't take this anymore...

But...

Somehow...

I know things will work themselves out for me.

Like they always used to, you know?

BTW, I am NOT looking for sympathy. I've had enough of that.

And any of you flamers saying that I'm an "emo p***y" can take that crappy logic you have and go shove it up your a**.