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Hey again, its me whee but I have something serious to talk about. It seems as though all I do is slip from about to be happy to being depressed and a little scared at times. I have no clue how I will shape my future and I believe that I have wasted my life already and there is little that I can do to change that due to finical issues. I wonder what my life will be in ten years, when I was seven I wanted some much to be a lawyer, then I wanted to own my own shop, then work on computers, now I want to own my own shop again; but it will be like a cosplay cafe. But thats besides my feelings, it seems as though no matter what I do I can not be happy and when ever I get close to someone something happens. After school I doubt I will see any of my friends, this makes me really really really depressed and it makes me want to break down and cry. I hate this, its my last year at school and it feels like s**t. When my sister comes home its hell, there is constant fighting and I can tell why I hated to live here and wanted so badly to move away I tried changed my identity and tried to move away. This still haunts me today, I hate myself for what I have done in the past. I have found out that my life isn't how I wanted it when i was younger, I though I'd be cooler and have gone on some awesome adventure. Not to mention I look and sound nothing like how I wanted to when I was younger. I am ok with my studys and all that, its not that hard I just never really had the drive to work on them. I also though I'd of had at least one girlfriend by now and well now I could really care less for most girls. My friends all hate each other and when I make a new one I find out that they are lying to me about them selfs and I hate it when people lie. I am not as smart as I think I am when it comes to proving it and I second guess myself. Now I am losing interest in everything I use to like. I want a bloody job around here so I can make some money. But I sleep most of the time and I am too lazy to even work at my house on the chores and stuff. I feel as though my depression is sinking in and all I want to do is be happy. Like I said it seems as though I can not be happy in this life and no matter how hard I try I can not make my friends happy either so I fail in that department, also all but my mom and grandpa hate me (which isn't too bad I suppose they all could hate me). To top it all off when I try to get close to a friend they back off, or something happens to make me back off, mainly my laziness. But it seems as though all I want to do is read stuff of my computer instead of real books. Well thats bout it for now, also I don't want no bullshit comments or replies if you don't like it just stop reading it damn it!

with love,

Jarett the Kira wink