The last few weeks I've been struggling with something. To afraid to take an action, move forward, try something different. To afraid of slipping and falling. If you read my journal entry two back, you'll see my metaphor on emotional struggles seeming like climbing a mountain.
I went ahead and took my dive for the top. Only to slip and fall back down to the ground. It sucks, it's tough and I don't like it. But not liking it won't change things. I can only continue on and try again. Is it worth it though? The amount of bruises from my falls are beginning to say otherwise. My tatterted clothing is no longer comfortable to bare. My blistered hands are no longer able to grip as easily.
But alas I'll sit here a moment on the ground. Take a breath and recover, I'll work my way to continuing on. It'll be alright, I'll be alright. Life is crazy and I will never understand why something happens the way it does. But theres a meaning for it all. Maybe I deserve it? Maybe it's a test to see my worth for something better? I can only sit here in the metaphorical mud and hope for the best.
I'm probally going to take a leave of absence from work in a couple days. You can do it for personal reasons, and then I'll still be able to work for the company when the transfer happens. So my plan now is to leave soon, get moved, resettle and start back at walmart back home when a postion opens. I've got a year to play with if thats true. I knew it before, but I hesistated and waited. Choosing not to do anything through the holidays. Just to see if I could scale the mountain down my current trail. Though it looks like I need to take a step back and replan my route.
Eventually I'll find the way.
~DJ Bothwell
 XDvandalDJ · Thu Jan 03, 2008 @ 10:15pm · 0 Comments |
