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Why is it I can't seem to do anything right? |
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Relationship wise anyway. The other night we had a huge argument that left me feeling like a bad girlfriend to my boyfriend. We'd fallen asleep and I'd ended up hitting him a couple times because he was snoring (I have a really bad fettish with snoring) and one or two times I had hit him, he'd been awake (completely my fault). Well, as I was sleeping, he all of a sudden hit me 6 or 7 times in the back. The first time he shoved (more correct term) me, I had woken up. He told me that I didn't wake up after the first time. However, he'd never paused in his shoving to let me wake up. So we fought about that (and some other stuff too, but it escapes me at the moment). At one point in the fight, he was yelling, and I just wanted to shush him by putting my index finger on his lips. When I brought it up to his face, he grabbed my finger and said something about never trying to hit him or show him that finger again. He'd grabbed it so hard that I started to cry again. When I'd said that he was hurting me, he let go and he said that it couldn't have hurt that much. Well, it hadn't, but he'd shocked and scared me so bad that I was upset. When I explained what I'd tried to do, he took me in his arms and apologized. At that point, I apologized too.
The night ended with me just wanting to go home because I was stressed out. The following day, I wasn't even sure if I should go to his house. I ended up going over there and we laid in his bed and talked for a while.
We've been fighting a lot again... and it's got me worried. I know that it's ok to fight, but is it ok to fight so much? I tend to start a lot of fights too... like this morning. I came over at about quarter after 10. I went up to his room to wake him up and I said gently, "Wake up sleepy head." Instantly, he was cranky. Instead of just ignoring it and trying to sweetly wake him (which I admit I tried for about 5 mins), I got mad at him and we started to fight.
He can be a jerk too, but his family doesn't seem to like me that much because of the fact that I seem to controlling. I've been trying hard not to control him or his life, but for some reason, I can't get a full grasp at it. I'll be good for a while, then I'll lose it!
Luckily, as I promised myself in my book-journal, I haven't pushed him to the point of crying in a long time. Now he just gets mad at me... great. God, I feel like such a piece of crap.
 Earths_Eclipse · Thu Jan 10, 2008 @ 01:22am · 0 Comments |
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