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Key
Love and attraction , I'm begining to notice that many people I either know or have just
barely begun to know are either attracted to me or in love with me , some may not say it ,
and other's are brave enouh to say it , and other's are blunt about sexual attraction ,
I am becoming confused and afraid , for many people both female and male want me close.
I feel like I am being trapped , and I am loseing thoughts normal love , because....
it's hard not to love many as family , and care for many as friends. I cannot have more
than one person that I LOVE as a spouse however , not more than one I want to marry.
I am surrounded by people who..... who want me.
I'm scared , more scared than I was with a single person , I have found another whom
I am begining to care deeply for , and it is helping , but I am still being brought about
in fear of so many others. I feel like I am being teased now , and that whatever
is our deity is laughing at me. our deity always has been laughing at me my whole life ,
I guess if it figured normal pain wasent enough anymore that it would add on this
unexplainable pain. I like to be smothered but not all the time.
Yet there is one whom for some reason I cannot reject and cannot recieve enough love from.
I guess that it will be that way for a while , and so will others being attracted to me ,
loving me as well. Later on in life if I am still alive , perhapes I will make a discision ,
but for now I cannot make a choice , I have no idea exactly what others are thinking , or
how they act when they close to someone or alone , soon enough I will know all there true
personality's , but until I do I will remain caged and stuck in the center of fear.
But I have the key to this cage , I just don't know how to use it , I need someone to help
me use it because I do not have the strength alone , so when the time comes I will choose ,
and when I do I hope that I will have made the right choice.
The two I have been watching very closely are the Pure white cloaked maiden , and the dark
purple skinned warrior. Elizabeth , and Heartmare.
The first Elizabeth I have noticed ,
hates to cause pain and hates to recieve it , yet she unknowingly causes it bringing her
equal pain , no perhapes more , she is kind , but also very rough , she without knowing it ,
show's too much love towards others , and then later on makes them feel hated ,
she does not mean it.
the second , Heartmare I've seen ,
she loves to make people feel good even if it hurts her , (as do I) , she is alo kind , but
very gentle , and maybe a little bit of a tease , she likes to be playful with her words.
Both , I know have been through something no one person should have to go through. But I am
going through something worse , not just a choice , but of feeling , I have lost the ability
to tell what it is that I am truly feeling towards anyone but my one true friend Robert.
Robert all though not of blood is like a long lost brother to me , we would both die for the
other , and yet because of that would not , we would rather go down fighting together until
we both died , together we are unstopable , and we always have someone else at our side to
fill in our flaws , Thomas.
Robert is the mind , Thomas is the brute strength , and I am the Endurance , the Lion heart.
I need someone , no I need everyone , all the people I know to help me regain the ability to
find my feelings , and to leave the past behind , to leave my disgraceful blood line behind.
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