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My friends story
It was about lunchtime in the jungle. I was beginning to get hungry and delirious, so I looked around for some food. Hiding behind a rock was a grunny. I crept up and poked it with a sharp pointy stick, then smashed it with a sledgehammer. I started up a fire and was able to get a good look at what I had just killed for dinner. It had superman hair, thick glasses and a metal Wang...? It reminded me of a freak from the 8th grade that died that next year in a brutal gang fight. After getting my fill of the grunny, I quickly salvaged what I could of the remains. The hair will be used for cheap rope, the brain for fish bait. I wondered what I could do with the metal Wang, but I decided that I will figure out what to do with it tomorrow.
Later, that night, I quickly realized what to do with the metal Wang. A dream, about cloning grunnies came about me. I was slowly getting hungry again, so I set off for town in the middle of the night. When I arrived in the town, a modest scientist quickly enveloped me. He looked similar to the grunny. I followed him to his cave and out of nowhere he booted up his machine. I gave him the grunnies metal Wang and the scientist who looked like the grunny placed it into a chamber attached to the machine. The machine began to fizz, and memories of 8th grade slowly came about me. I remembered sad, savage beatings of the kid who looked like the grunny, and how he perished the next year in a brutal gang fight. A few minutes later, the chamber door opened and revealed the product of the metal Wang.
300 noobs that had the same features of the grunny and the scientist combined. They screamed "APPLESAUCE!" as they lunged at me. Some attempted to slap me, as others kicked like a female towards me. A few of the clones started fighting each other for no apparent reason. I quickly ran out of the cave to an abandoned, yet fully stocked warehouse. There I found: a shotgun, a rifle, two pistols a flamethrower, a few grenades, and a rubber chicken. I soon realized that they were slowly following me everywhere I went. I ran outside, leaving the warehouse, to an empty lot. I could see them slowly running towards me on the horizon.
With rifle in hand, I shot one in the head. I had a hunting license, and since they were on hunting grounds, and were more animal then human, it would be perfectly legal if I exterminated them. I shot a few in the head, but realized that there was nothing in the head that was worth shooting at. With a shot to the stomach though, they slowly and embarrassingly died. They gradually got closer to me, and they were in pistol shooting range. Dead count so far, 6/300. With pistols in my hands, I began shooting at the freakish creatures. I killed a few, but it just wasn’t getting the job done. I knew it was time to use my flamethrower. Dead count now, 14/300.
The flamethrower heated up, and they were approaching kicking and slapping range. Suddenly, I began firing, and I caught of couple of them on fire. I waited a few moments to examine how they reacted to the flame. The ones on fire ran around in circles lighting some others on fire. But they were smarter than I thought. They began to cough/spit/drool/barf on the grunny freaks to put out the fire and stop it from spreading. My flamethrower slowly ran out of fuel. Dead count now, 25/300. I threw my flamethrower on the floor and switched back to my pistols. I began to fire only realizing that I was out of ammo. I then switched to my rifle only to realize that it also was out of ammo. I had no ammo for any of my guns, so I resorted to my last weapon. THE RUBBER CHICKEN.
By holding it by the head, I had turned a Childs toy into a deadly weapon. The freaks looked at the deadly weapon in fear. One of the crazy freaks stepped forward. He started to swing his feet, and I lunged forward with the rubber chicken. With one small hit to his stomach, he died instantaneously. The freaks got a little nervous, with the fear of death beginning to envelop them. Suddenly they began to scream their battle cry, "APPLESAUCE!!!" as they surrounded me. Gripping the rubber chicken tightly, I swung out at them. Hitting one in the stomach and made it die instantly, from the unimaginable pain. I spun in a circle hitting any and all in my path. Death count after rubber chicken frenzy, 68/300.
The freaks got a little angst. They began to run away, but I was able to walk to catch up with them. I managed to hit a few in the back of the head, but they were able to escape. Who knew where they were going. As they disappeared into the woods I decided to go back to the scientist’s cave to see what he was doing. I approached the cave only to see that it had been set on fire. I looked down to notice a note on the floor. It read “Meet me in the middle of the forest”. I set the note down and headed out of his cave towered the forest.
Once I was in the forest I started to look for the scientist. As I was looking I started to breath in something that smelled like fart. I began to walk toward the source of the smell. As I moved toward the middle of the forest the smell got stronger. Once I got to what I thought was the smell I saw the scientist. The scientist said “You killed my clone and ate him for dinner, and for that you unleashed 300 more. Now you must pay for you mistake and DIE!!!” I turned around a noticed that I was surrounded by what was left of the 300 noobs. Noticing that I still had some grenades from the abandoned warehouse I began to pull pins left and right then throwing them into the big crowd of 232 noobs. The grenades were very affective killing anybody hit by the explosion and also any nearby that got scared and had an asthma attack and died. Death total after grenades, 284/300. After killing most of the freaks I grabbed a stick of the floor and started to hit the rest with the branches. I stabbed and poked and prodded and poked some more. After I had finally finished off all of the 300 noobs I went back to the scientist. I dropped the stick and quickly pulled out my rubber chicken that was tucked away in my pocket. I swung it at the scientist’s head as hard as I could. I hit him with the squeaky part of the chicken and he did instantly from the hard blow to the head. Our hero, who is none other than Elliot Wandel, walked out of the forest and back to town satisfied that he had rid the world of those weird evil grunny freaks. So he thought…
CREDITS
Writer-Elliot Wandel/Nick Rogers
Publisher-Nick Rogers
CHARACTERS
Main Character-Elliot Wandel
Grunny/Scientist-Ernesto
300 Noobs Include-Rutillo, Roberto, Thomas, and much much more.
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