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Join Me In Death...
" To be forsaken is worse than death..."
(if you are reading this and have no idea what the heck is going on, well don't feel bad i will explain it afterwards)

Belial waited outside of the bedroom, sitting on a chair with his arms and legs crossed. It had been nearly an hour. Finally, he cocked his head up and saw that his friend had left the bedroom. Belial heard quiet sobbing in the background and put on a mournful look. His friend closed the door behind him and sighed.
" Will she be alright,Dunkel " Belial asked his friend.
Dunkel gave another sigh and closed his eyes. " She said she will...but I don't believe it to be true..." He replied and leaned against the door.
" Poor Nicky..." Belial said and leaned back against the wall. " How could Necrophades do such a thing?"
Dunkel did not say a word. He opened his black eyes to only look down at the stone floor.
Both became silent. Dunkel could still hear the quiet sad sobbings of his friend in the room. Belial stared up at his friend and finally thought that he should ask him.
" Dunkel?"
" hmm...?"
" Why were banished down here with the rest of us? You don't seem like the type to be in this sort of place...so why were you banished from God's grace?"
Dunkel looked up at his friend and put on a shocked face. Belial kept a stern one. Both stared at one another. Dunkel finally smiled and laughed. Belial cocked a red eyebrow.
" Belial, you really are a curious cat aren't you?" Dunkel replied and giggled. Belial frowned. " Well...to tell you the truth... I really don't know why I asked the Holy Father to be banished from his grace. I guess after the war, and what happened to my brother...that I couldn't stand being in a place that holds such beautiful memories," He went on and put on a happy smile. " Like I always say...to be forsaken is worse than death..."
" Dunkel..." Belial said softly.
Dunkel just smiled at him.
" Belial, would you do me a favor and look after Salinik for me until I get back? I need to check out my new room and uphold my new position," Dunkel said to him.
" Sure," Belial replied nodding his head.
" Danka," Dunkel replied and started to walk off. Belial watched him and sighed.
Dunkel continued to walk until he was out of Belial's sight ( which is impossible), he leaned against a wall and slid down on it and started to cry in his hands.

(now to tell you what the hell you just read. This is from one of my stories that i am going to hopefully start writing, this is just an exert from it I thought of in my Civics class. My gf has helped me with it also, so go her!
Belial is one of the Angels that got casted out during the war against God's angels and the Rebel Angels led by Lucifel/Lucifer. Dunkel is his best friend...and more later on. But Necrophades is Dunkel's little brother that went alongside Lucifel and was more insane than he. Necro thought that the Earth was a piece of trash and should look that way. Necrophades own image started to morph into what you would call a Demon. Necrophades is actually the first demon to be born. ( Now that isn't really true, dont flame me for it!) However, Necrophades gets imprisoned underneath the Earth in the desert in Egypt, about 30 to 40 ft underneath.Salinik is a girl angel that got casted out of Heaven because she was in love with Necrophades. Now God didn't really banish her, I guess she had her own reasons to be not in Heaven anymore. But more on her later.
So mostly this story is about the Rebel fight in Heaven about centuries ago, a long long long long long long long long time ago.

I hope you like this, even though it isn't much. To picture Dunkel's expressions and how he deals with situations, just picture Abel Nightroad from Trinity Blood, you'll get the idea. smile )


XxDarkMalicexX
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  • User Comments: [1]
    chiaroscuro13
    Community Member





    Mon Mar 31, 2008 @ 05:05am


    Ooohh I love Abel Nightroad! *ahem*

    Just a few nitt-picky things:

    Line 4 (after the first line of explanation) ""Will she be alright, Dunkel" Belial asked his friend.""
    I think there should be a question mark in that quote after 'Dunkel'.
    I am also confused about where in the background the sobbing is coming from. Also where is this door? Is it behind this door that the sobbing is coming from? I feel like it just comes out of nowhere. Maybe better establish the overall stage for the opening of this scene using more directional cues from Belial's descriptions?

    Line 10" Why were banished down here with the rest of us?"... Needs a pronoun.

    And later, "Dunkel continued to walk until he was out of Belial's sight (which is impossible), he leaned against a wall and slid down on it and started to cry in his hands."
    The text doesn't clearly tell who was crying and when (Dunkel) stopped walking to slide down the wall.

    Also, "Necrophades own image..." there should be an apostrophe at the end of Necro's name to show ownership of his image ex: Necrophades' image

    Hope these comments are what you were anticipating!


    User Comments: [1]
     
     
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