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This was my dream…

I was sitting in a school. It was similar to my current high school, and yet, very, very, very different. The lower level was exactly the same, but the classrooms on the ground and upper floors were much nicer with large windows and clean paint. There were blackboards that had been cleaned just that morning and everything had a crisp look about it, just like in the old movies with the perfect teacher who would be presented a shining and flawless red apple every morning by her students.
However… that teacher did not exist. The school seemed to be waiting for her to step in—but no, the teacher was not her…
I sat in my English class, looking up at the board as a man scribbled on it with white chalk. He had messy, unkempt platinum blonde hair that was hastily brushed back into a pony tail and a wrinkled white button down shirt which he wore with black jeans and a black tie. After dusting his hands by clapping them in a dismissive manner, he waved vaguely at the chicken scratch on the board and mumbled something about the assignment we were supposed to do.
I peered at it, wondering what the hell he had written.
When all of a sudden, the young teacher began having a seizure of sorts.
You see, he wasn’t human. Apparently, our English teacher was a vampire. His skin turned ashen and gray and his eyes became glowing red. Then… he began flailing about the room and screaming, “I needs bloods!” As he flailed, he made his way over to my desk (not by walking, but by spasming, twitching, and thrashing) where he lunged forward and bit my wrist.
Now, my friends now about my… er, well… “wrist issue” I suppose is what it can only be called. I have an extreme paranoia about having my wrists touching anything hard, sharp, having pressure put on them, etc. And, if I bend my hands in a strange way even, I start freaking out because I can feel the bones pushing against the veins and it feels like they will snap and tear through my skin, severing my blood vessels and causing me to die.
I’m sure you can imagine what happened when this random English-teacher-vampire-dude bit my wrist…
“HOLY ******** MY WRIST!!! GET OFF!!! GET OFF!!! ZOMG MY WRRRRIIIISSSSSTTT!!!”
I flailed my arm, screaming and sobbing and trying to pry his head off, but to no avail. That blasted vampire just kept drinking my blood!
Finally, when he finished he licked over it and sealed the wound, wiping his lips on the back of his sleeve. As he did this, his eyes widened when he realized what he had done, and he laughed nervously, “Heh, sorry about that… uhm… as a reward for letting me drink your blood we can go on a field trip!” he announced.
Oh, and by the way, I do believe I forgot to mention something…
This school…
Was in outer space…
Yep, freakin’ outer space…
So…
We got into a flying-contraption that was basically a couple of chairs attached together and with a huge metal pole sticking out of the center, from which sprouted a giant propeller at the top. We got seated, and flew off into space—miraculously able to breathe even though there was no bubbly-shield-thing to protect us.
All seemed fine as we flew through really cartoony stars when we were attacked by none other than SPACE PIRATES! The vampire-English-teacher-dude and I both screamed, “OH MY GOD SPACE PIRATES!” at the top of our lungs, pointing dramatically at the immense ship that was coming our way, looking like the flying pirate ship from Peter Pan, but with the additions of metallic wings on the sides and a large rocket-booster in the back that spewed out flames of orange and red.
Screaming like a pair of little girls and arms flailing even more (apparently we like to flail…) we hurried back towards the school.
Unfortunately for both us, and the pirates, we all crash-landed, wrecking a good hunk of building and sending desks flying everywhere, but somehow—because these sorts of things happen in random dreams—we managed to escape unscathed.
Unnamed-vampiric-English-teacher grabbed my arm and dragged me down into the lower level of the school so that we could escape to what he deemed his ‘underground vampire lair.’ The two of us ran down the stairs and down the lower level hallway until we reached the lime-green door that marked the bomb shelter. The vampire quickly opened it up and we rushed inside. Next, he found a panel on the wall and dialed a secret code into it—because all lairs need secret codes. The wall opened up and we tumbled into what looked like a miniature-wannabe “Bat Cave.”
Here we were greeted by a floating, meditating, and all-knowing toad…
He really served no purpose whatsoever…
But he was there…
Floating…
Meditating…
And being all-knowing…
So moving on…
The English teacher shoved me into a chair in front of what looked like a giant computer with a huge monitor and lots of random video games attached, and he screamed, “I needs a gunman!” Upon hearing this, I just sort of blinked and asked him,
“If we’re stuck in here… and the pirates are up above… how the hell are we supposed to shoot them?!?!”
Grumbling he put one of his “video game controllers” in my hands and pointed at the huge screen where I noticed the space pirates were frolicking about (okay so pirates don’t frolic, but whatever!). So, dutifully, I began killing pirates. Unfortunately… THEY JUST WOULDN’T DIE!!!
“Your weapon system fails!” I rawred.
“Your ability to pwn pirates fails!” He rawred back.
And then, just my luck, that English teacher had another seizure again and ended up biting my other wrist, inducing yet another fit of screams and sobs and thrashing from myself. “HOLY ******** MY WRIST!!! GET OFF!!! GET OFF!!! ZOMG MY WRRRRIIIISSSSSTTT!!!” I shrieked, and when he finally finished, I pointed at him and said, “DAMN YOU! YOU NEED TO MANY BLOODS!”
Then I went into the darkest corner to go be emo.
After my fit of emo, we realized that either between my failing or his weapon system failing, and since the retarded all-knowing toad wasn’t helping us, we would just try to escape.
Yes we were idiots.
We should have just stayed back in the “Bat Cave.”
Nope, we just ran right out of there.
Of course, by the time we got mid-hallway, we were ambushed by the Space Pirates. Brilliant plan we had, wasn’t it? Luckily however, there was a convenient gap which was conveniently by the stairs that conveniently led up to the ground level and were conveniently beside the door where a convenient flying contraption was sitting. So, the vampire dude shoved me forward and we made a break for it, going in complete cheesy slow-mo.
The pirates lunged forward, random sharp pointy weapons of choice raised into the air… they were going to get us… when the vampire English teacher used his mad English skillz and turned to face them, screaming “Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia!!!” The letters materialized in the air, Alice in Wonderland style, and flew forward at the Space pirates with blinding ninja speed! One of the Pirates was impaled by an “A” and got skewered to the wall.
We managed to get to the surface and we were about to escape when there was a HUGE explosion, all the pirates died, and the ground suddenly turned into what looked like the Death Star from Star Wars.
The vampire and I turned around behind us wearily, wondering what just happened, and there, standing behind us and glaring menacingly in a very menacing way, was Evil Emperor Zurg from Buzz Lightyear in all his crimson and purple really lame helmeted glory. He pointed one of his lame hooked claws that was probably made of plastic and pointed at me, saying, “The force is strong with this one…”
“HOLY s**t!” The teacher and I screamed in unison before jumping into the second flying contraption.
Zurg chased us through the Death Star maze and was shooting at us as we clung to our seats, screaming as if we were on some sort of twisted roller coaster. The vampire suddenly pulled a banana out of hammer-space and gave it to me.
“QUICKLY! THROW THE BANANA!” he shouted.
So I threw the banana into the little target-hole-like-thingy on the Death Star. We flew upwards into space. And the Death Star blew up.

Then, I sat up in bed, looked around me in my dark room, and thought to myself, “what the crap was that?” before passing out again.