Love is the single most important thing to me. I hold a relationship between two different people very highly, and greatly value it's importance in my life. I've met a few people who would tell me to value other things. But no matter how hard I try. How hard I try to turn my heart cold. I just can't. It's not in me. With that considered, it's easy to see how a day meant to celebrate the very thing I cherish can bring me down. I made efforts to make today decent, it wasn't going to be super great or anything. But I was going to be able to stand it.
Though nope as I sit right now that didn't even work. I couldn't even extend a simple gesture today and just sit here alone. But hey it's just a date, I've mentioned early days on a calender shouldn't effect me. They can be celebrated another time, another place. But admiting my own weakness, I can't really completely ignore it. I'm trying to harden myself to these things. But it's just tough.
It's just I would do anything for those I care about. Their relationship to me means more than my own self. I really would lay myself down for my friends and loved ones. I guess thats why these things are so hard for me. I desperately act to get my feelings, my gratitude for others out there. So it's really draining to be forced to push those emotions away and hide part of myself.
I could go on and on. But honestly I'm starting to even lose the energy to write these entries out. Don't worry though, I'll be alright eventually. I've just got to right?
~DJ Bothwell
 XDvandalDJ · Thu Feb 14, 2008 @ 11:38pm · 0 Comments |
