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Adding insult to injury. (For my cousin Dylan) |
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Dylan needs to learn how to use proper grammar, punctuation, and capitalization before he can make due with a proper insult. Besides, insulting someone in Old English is better than modern English.
Example:
Dylan, thou art a coward. Sooth doth thou send others before thee and refrain from strife thyself. Thou strikest women, yet shirk to strike a man, lest thy pustulant skin be cut by a blade fairer than thy own. Sooth, thou art a coward, Dylan.
Dylan, thou art a braggart. Braggart thou art for nought, for in every contest thou art defeated. Fighter and teaser of weaklings and braggarts like thyself, whensoever a true fighter face thee, thou runs away. Yet, in sooth, from this cowardly retreat dost thou make brag. Dylan, thou art a coward.
Dylan, thou art smelly. Thy breath stinks of the spoiled food of others which, sooth, thou dost like to eat from hours before. Thy body reeks with the stench of unwashed clothes and thy body that thou dost not clean. The manure of asparagus-eating goats is better than the smell from thy hair. Dylan, thou art a stinker.
Dylan, thou art stupid. Thou art unlettered and hath never read the term "defeat in detail," for, assuredly, but those few letters would require all day and the use of both your pustulant forefingers. But the veriest simpleton canst understand that thine tactics are those of a schoolyard bully held back until his tutors at last release him as a man full grown, yet unable to manage finger painting. The very fact that thou canst breathe must be by the arts of some little person, smarter than thou, who doth sit upon thy shoulder and whisper in thy ear "breath in, breath out" else wouldst cease in this vital activity for the lack of thought. Canst thou walk and chew bubble gum at the same time it is asked and I cry "NAY!" for I have found you, face down, the bubble gum before you upon the ground as proof. Dylan, thou art stupid.
As such, Dylan, you are but a young schoolboy, striving for attention, with your piteous insults and jibes. Please refrain from doing so in the future, you might hurt what precious amount of your little brain you have left.
 UnForSakenLies · Fri Feb 29, 2008 @ 12:42am · 2 Comments |
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