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If you have read some of my recent blogs, then you all know Patty. Patty is the greatest, he's like Totoro. Big and squishy and everyone loves him.

Patty is also like an action figure, he may lack the perfect body, but he has a variety of catch phrases. Among these are: Whateva I do what I want, Smack a b***h/hoe, Keep your pimp hand strong, Chr-ist, and my favorite, I do cocaine.

One day at the Friday Night Feel Good Kids, He said his famous "I do cocaine" catch phrase. This made us laugh.

Often he says this and nothing happens, but since we had just read about my flashback, The Ear and You, it was different. I was immediately thrown into a flashback.

It was the first semester of my sophomore year, I was taking German One. It was a ordinary morning (for then) and I was going to my first block or first period as the school calls it.

The day before however, I had bout a giant a** bag of smarties.

Now listen to me good...I, Love, Smarties. I love them more than dried fruit, and I would stand on a corner for dried fruit.

I would go mormon and do an epic smack a b***h to all my wives. It would be like me running down a hallway with my pimp hand strong. This however has nothing to do with how much I love smarties, and I just like making fun of mormons.

Moving on.

So I had my big a** bag of smarties and was eating them. I happily ate them for most of the class, when one of my group asked the question, "Are you addicted to those?" I look at him as though he were a trying to steal my smarties and replied with a "Yes".

Now I could have just replied with a yes and moved on, but my in my sugar high from smarties, I started to scratch my neck as though I did cocaine.

Making sure everyone is following, "I do cocaine".

They all laughed and started to act like crack heads and ate some smarties. I was the center of attention, this made me happy. I continued to eat my smarties when they all huddled up and whispered to each other. After they had finished huddling they looked at me all funky and said "Have you ever snuffed smarties?"

Since we are on the subject of snuffing things, I will break away from the story for a short moment and tell you about the time I snuffed a vitamin C energy drink.

Dumbest, Idea, EVER.

Me and kevin where watching TV and saw this guy snuff some crack. Coincidentally me and kevin were eating powdered energy drinks. A lightbulb of stupidity sprung above my head. I looked at kevin and said to him "Hey Kev, I dare you to snuff what's left of your energy drink."

Kevin is not very ambitious as you should know by now, and he needs incentive for things as stupid as that. His answer was "Only if you do it first."

You must know by my stories now that I have a few loose screws... at the time I was thinking "Oh how bad could it be?" I, HAD, NO, IDEA! I looked back at him with a grin and said "OK!"

I put my head down and prepared myself for a big *SNIFF*...

Vitamin C + nose = EPIC PAIN!!!!

I SCREAMED WITH PAIN AND BLEED VITAMIN C ENERGY DRINK FROM MY EYES!!! I was snorting and screaming and ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off. It really, really, really... really hurt. It hurt so bad I puked.

I almost never puke my friends, if I am puking from pain in my nose... well I'll let you do the math there.

I looked at Kevin and screamed at him "YOU BETTER ******** DO IT!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!! ******** ME!!!"

Kevin was chickening out and I was about to kick his a**... he was going to do it... or there would be blood...

Kevin caved in finally and put some in a row on the table (not near as much as I had put... ******** pansy) and snuffed it.

What followed what a "AAAHHHH ******** ME!!!!!! s**t, ********, b***h, HOE, SLUT..." and so on. I was happy for he was in as much pain as I. Sadly he did not puke like I did because he didn't snuff so hard that it came out his mouth, but regardless I was happy and somewhat satisfied.

Now if you recall, before we broke away to the lessons of why not to snuff energy drinks, I had just been asked "Have you ever snuffed smarties?"

I thought to myself for a second and tho I never snuffed smarties I had snuffed an energy drink. I thought it couldn't be worse so I told them that I had.

Bad idea... they asked me to demonstrate. However me not feeling in the mood to be a complete dumbass, I refused. After much bitching from my little German social group I caved and decided to do it.

I crushed a bag of smarties and prepared to lay them down for an unwanted snuffing. My friends cheered me on as I got ready with the make-shift straw they gave me (we took the pipe out of a pen). I laid my head down in quickly snuffed the long line of smarties and cringed with pain.

It was not as bad as the Vitamin C energy drink but it was still quite painful. I however did not puke this time.

As I struggled with pain, my friends laughed extremely loud and attracted the class.

******** me...

The class then started asking what was so funny. They all pointed out that I had snuffed smarties to the few that looked over and asked. My brother had the same class and I was very happy he was to busy taking notes from the teacher to notice my pain and the crowd that came around me.

After my friends were done humiliating me (even though most of this was of my own doing) they started calling me a smartass... thus I got the nick name of "Smartass"

The story however is not over...

The pen that they had gotten the makeshift straw from had busted before they gave it to me. Me and my wonderful luck, happened to put the end that the ink had busted on all over to my nose for the snuffing. So I had a black left nostril to go with my Smartass self.

That is also how I got the name "Black Hole" because of the endless supply of snot and sugar that followed out my left nostril for the whole day and so on.

The flashback had ended and I told the FNFGK all about it. They approved and I felt I had yet another blog for my crazy adventures.

Hope you enjoyed.