So I spent the day with Sha-chan and the Melissa's of both varieties. I had fun. <3
I did kinda crash towards the end though. I just got to thinking....which I really need to stop doing because that tears me apart more than anything.
We were looking out over the suspension bridge downtown, and I noticed how little water is in the river now, and I felt like jumping. I just looked down and wondered what it would feel like to jump and not hit water, but literally "rock bottom". For the first time in a long time I felt depressed. I thought, "I'm re-living senior year all over again, except Sam is now Melissa." I never could handle being around couples, and I thought after being in a few relationships I could handle it, but I can't. I really can't, and I hate that it's pretty much ruling over me. The thought of people being happy just makes me want to cry, because I can't seem to get it right. I just feel sick, and I'm sick of feeling sick which makes me feel like screaming, which I can't do. I'm sick of feeling unattractive and unappealing. I'm just sick of me.
I just want to be happy again, because right now I'm not.
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My sanity has fled....here lies the remains....
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Oceangirlmyka Community Member |
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Just because you're single doesn't mean you're unattractive or unappealing. I usually think of it that there hasn't been an attractive enough guy out there for me yet and that it's the guys who are unattractive and not me. And this is very true in many cases, lol. But even if you do know people who are in relationships now, just know that it probably isn't gonna last forever, just like you being single won't last forever either. smile
*gives another hug* *and one more for good measure*