!tunes: Tally Hall - Good Day
!mood: SICK
!doing: sneezing
Good lord I hate Easter. The only redeeming value I see is the food, telling more dirty jokes in front of nuns, and being able to make references to Jesus being a zombie. Other than that everyone's fake and annoying no one really likes each other but we act nice for Jesus. That, and I'm getting freakin' sick, hopefully it's just allergies or something...
In other news, the new roster pictures are up! And, surprise surprise, they're as terrible as ever!
Honestly, for how hot our team is, roster pictures always turn out God awful. It's like all shreds of photogenic ability get thrown away, just for picture day. SO, mostly for my own amusement, let's take a look at some of the Tigers' mugshots. Just a note: if some of you have self-esteem problems, this may very well make you feel better about yourself.
Ivan Rodriguez
Whenever Pudge tries to smile, he ends up looking extremely angry or extremely crazy. Here, he happens to look both. DON'T KILL ME PLZ
Joel Zumaya
Dear lord, Zumaya looks like a child molester. Between the half-lidded eyes, tilted head and ***** smile, this photo makes me uncomfortable.
Justin Verlander
DORK DORK DORK DORK DORK DORK DORK DORK DORK DORK DORK DORK
Okay, fine, this picture actually isn't that bad. He's smiling a little too big, though, like he's laughing but trying to keep his teeth together.
Nate Robertson
This just concerns me. It's like everything attractive about Nate got reshaped and put back on in awkward places. I need to look at about a hundred good pictures of him just to re-convince myself that he's hot.
Brandon Inge
It kind of looks like he has no upper teeth at all, just gums. And, once again, Inge manages to look REALLY FREAKING AWKWARD in every picture of him ever.
Magglio Ordonez
Maggs, why are you crying? You're the American League batting champ and your hair more gorgeous and flowing than anyone in the MLB. Cheer up, vato.
Curtis Granderson
This isn't Granderson. I refuse to believe this is Granderson.
Carlos Guillen
Judging by that grimace, it looks like he just sniffed something unpleasant. Also, why does his face always look so lumpy?
Kenny Rogers
Other than the size of his chin and looking constipated like he usually does, Kenny doesn't look too bad here. Bummer.
Todd Jones
I have nothing to say. Seriously. Piney, you think of something.
Miguel Cabrera
Yet another child molester. Miguel looks mousy and creepy with those eyes and protruding front teeth. And I really, really don't wanna know what he's thinking about.
Also, he's not a Tiger anymore but I just HAD to dig the picture of our favorite rapist:
Jair Jurrjens
Okay, his smile isn't as terrifying as it normally is, but his misshapen eyes and enormous neck and ears make up for it. Jair, you are the strangest looking person I have ever seen.
WELL THEN, I hope you feel better about yourselves now. I know I do.
Community Member
Hmm..now my thoughts...
Inge's picture being bad was a given. Maggs, Guillen, and Cabrera all look lumpy and awkward. I feel like Nate thinks his glasses are cool. Girl-a** reminded me of V for Vendetta for a minute there, except much dorkier. Zumaya's too funny for words. And I agree with you, nothing needs to be said about Jones.
Nice job, boys. Whatever happened to this?
Yay for Zombie Jesus!