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today i'm going to talk about something that a lot of you most likely don't know, unless you know me irl. i no longer want to, but in the past i've thought of committing suicide twice. i know it doesn't seem like something i'd do, or even think of doing, but i'm telling you this for a reason. it's not to worry you, but so you won't make the same mistake i did and so you won't do what the ones i (used to) love did.

the first time was in sixth grade. i had finally admitted to my crush, David, that i liked him. i thought that i'd accomplished something huge by telling him. instead, both him and his brother Daniel began to ignore me. if i walked over to them, they'd run off. if i attempted to talk to them, they'd give me the cold shoulder. they made me feel insignificant and that whatever i did wasn't good enough in their eyes. it really hurt...the three of us used to be such great friends, so why were they torturing me? then, i couldn't take it anymore. the next year i wrote them both a letter asking what was going on. i explained my point of view in the situation and how i felt about everything that was happening. in the end, i asked if we could remain friends. their answer was no. even though David's letter back was crueler, Daniel's was more sincere and the one that made me cry. the pain at the time became unbearable. i wanted it to end so badly and saw death as the way to escape everything i was feeling...then Lee came.

i was crying irl and on RB when he pmed me and asked me what was wrong. i told him i was afraid i'd bore him to death, yet he listened to the whole story and showed sympathy for me. after that day we grew closer until i began to like him. i told him and he felt the same way about me...i was so happy! my feelings deepened and turned into love. once again, he felt the same way i did. but there was a problem...we began to see each other less and less. i cried and prayed he was alright at least. i didn't care if he'd moved on, but it still hurt. guys would tell me to move on. i didn't listen, i thought he would come back. again, i was too weak and couldn't take it. i felt left behind and betrayed. days came when i wondered if i could shoot myself to end the pain...finally, i was convinced two days before Christmas Eve Lee wasn't coming back. it was by a truly wse friend. i thought my entire Christmas would be ruined. but that someone is my current boyfriend and all is well now.

basically what i'm trying to say is don't do what i did. no one who truly loves you would make you want to end your life. don't give up either. death is never the answer.