Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I'm going to write this entry in a style to how I actually talk in real life. Just thought i'd put that out there.

So, i'm going to talk about superpowers.
Mainly, how lame they are.
Let's tackle a big one first. Shapeshifting. Wonder twin powers, activate amirite? Wrong. Half of you don't even get that joke, ********. Anyway, yeah shapeshifting. Too many rules. You can turn into a machine gun but not bullets, you can turn into a car but not the gasoline that runs it, you can't turn into a bulldozer during the middle of a boring science lecture, et cetera. Definitely not for me.

And super speed. Yeah it's pretty badass. But anyone with superspeed could totally kick your a**. Take the Flash for example. Wayyyy too overpowered. So first of all, obviously he's got super speed, which means if you try and fight him you're ********. Think about it, you're getting ready to punch him, running towards him with your fists up and screaming like a ******** and HOLY s**t YOU JUST GOT PUNCHED 1000 TIMES RIGHT IN THE BALLS. Because the Flash can do s**t like that man. Next, not only is being fast himself, but he can control speed. That's right, so think you're getting ready to fight the Flash and he throws a rock at your balls at regular speed and then he's like BOOM WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and now it's going a bajillion miles an hour right into your balls. Or, he could slow down time (another power he's got) and throw a million rocks at you at once and control how fast they move so you've got a million rocks hitting your balls like a machine gun, but with rocks. He can vibrate through walls. Dunno how, but he ******** can cause he's the Flash. Plus, when he's done he can choose whether to go through things all regular or transfer the massive amount of kinetic energy he builds up into that object and make it ******** EXPLODE. So you're fighting the flash and suddenly he phases right through you and holy s**t did your balls just explode? Hell yes they did, the Flash can do that ********.

I really like the Flash. I can't wait until that inevitably gets made into a movie too.

Next topic, Time Travel. This wins the award for most complicated superpower. It also happens to be another power the Flash happens to possess. So think, you're getting yourself psyched up for your epic battle against the Flash tomorrow and all the sudden, your mom got pushed down the stairs when she was pregnant and duh u no thunk so gud nemoar. So then what happens, did you ever even think of fighting the Flash? And if you were never a threat, why did he even have to kill you when you were unborn, there's no incentive to. So with no reason to, the Flash never killed you and you're going to fight the flash tomorrow. So he goes back in time to push your mom down the stairs when she's preggors with you, b***h. Repeat. See what i'm getting at here? It's kind of like watching Back to the Future, only you're going to act like you don't understand it in an attempt to be clever.
I guess the alternate universes/timelines theory would work (as seen in Back to the Future and that denzel washington flick, Deja Vu, among many other movies)

Uhh so year. That's about it for now. Hope you enjoyed it. Next time: More superpower dissection!