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It's been a long time since I've written anything in here. I've just been trying to study for my exams, even though they seem so tiring.

I still remember last year's April.




It seems so far away.




Everything seems so far away. Like it was all an illusion. Like it was all a dream. Like it all never happened.
But I can't change the fact that some things never happened, because I've got evidence to prove it. I realised that living in the truth is a life that will make me very sad; and that living in lies will probably make me a lot happier. But why do the bad things always have to feel as if they are good, and the good things bad?
I realised that from being in Australia, I learned that we always wish for the things that we don't have; we always yearn for them until we get them. And by the time we get those things, we might wish that we didn't have them. I hate this way of life. Is life meant to be cruel to us? Life and its ways...

I understand it when people say they want to kill themselves. They just want escape. Sure, there are a billion ways of escaping the things that you don't want to face. But it all comes down to the politically correct thing. Doing things that other people see as 'the right thing to do', but in reality, is the thing that leads to your death.
So then it comes to down to choices. The choices we make. There are people who may try to stop us, and true enough, they know better. But we are so wrapped up in delusion that we think - and try to believe - that we are the ones that are correct. But really...it's the people who are older than us and wiser than us that really know what's right because they've had more experience. It's sad knowing that you've been proved wrong. But it's like that.

There are a lot of sad things that happen to people. Hearts breaking. Families split up. Relationships gone down the drain. Hopelessness. Being embarrassed. Having a reputation ruined for life. Tears that just come running down unnoticed in the dark. That stirring hurt in your heart that makes the tears pour all the more. Running out of the things that keep you strong, keep you alive and going. Wearing a mask. Trying to fit in by being someone you're not. Dilemmas involving friends and your future. When you feel like you don't know who your true friends are anymore. When you feel like your future is so bleak; that you cannot see any further than the moment. When everything you hold dear you is lost forever. When everything goes wrong for you. When nothing seems to go right in your life. Life seems not worth living anymore.

Why is there such sadness in the world, and yet, no one sees it? They say all good things come to an end. Yeah. So even if we try to cherish the good things while they still last, they still come to an end. They will be past, they will be no more. You only live once. So why do we have to waste our lives like this...
It just doesn't make sense. After all...a lot of things don't make sense. It's the way of life.

There are people who lead such a blessed life. They are the ones that may not be able to see the grief of people around them because those people wear such a disguised mask that fools the people around them. The blessed people need not think about such things. They are free to chase their dreams. Free. Happy.

I miss everything I used to know. I've always been saying that. But now, truth to be told, I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I should think; how I should think. I don't know how to feel, now.
All I know I can do right now is that I have to keep my faith in God strong; that He will make this world a better place someday, and that He will do something in my life that will change it for the better. The End.