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My ex got expelled how awesome is that???NOT!!!he has a job now too. I think I still love my ex but I'm not sure about anything anymore. School's almost over, yay for that!!! My life's been rather dull lately. I'm thinking about cutting myself more and more everyday...plus I'm sick of hiding what I'm feeling. if i have to hide my pain one more time i just might explode!!! I want to show people what I'm really feeling and not pretend to be a happy girl when I'm really dieing on the inside. I have nightmare's almost every night that someone will figure out my secret....I'm most afraid of Nick(my ex) finding out. I wonder what he would do...Would he even care? I wonder what he would do if I was gone forever...would he ever miss me? Guess I'll just have to ask...He may think it's an odd question, but then again I don't really care anymore. I mean of course I still care about him, ask anyone and they would agree, I just try to act like I don't care so he will never know. You never know when the end's going to come. He could be gone right now. That's also one of my worst fears, loosing Nick forever. I lost him, but at least I know he's still living and breathing. That's enough for me. He's probably going to move on soon, but as long as he's alive I wont care. Yes, my heart will be in pain when I see him with a new girl, but oh well. My heart's already in enough pain from dealing with Jacob and knowing that he's leaving...God life sucks right now...Why cant life be happy for once? Why?
anyways here's some poems
"Knew"
You look behind you
There's nothing you can do
Maybe you should just shew
Dont say you should've knew
I look behind me
Do you know what I see?
I see what you want to be
But sadly he's not giving you key
You look at him
The light he dims
Your at his every whim
I wonder if this is a sin
I look at his heart
His not willing to start
He is sour and tart
Please dont give him your heart
You look at the sky
Do you wish to die?
Or maybe you'll just cry
I give out a little sigh
I look at you
I know what you should do
I'm not going to shew
Cause you always knew
(I dedicate this to my friend Bonnie. Hope you like it>< wink
"Moon"
I've never seen your face
Yet somehow I dont care
You make my heart race
These feelings I can no longer bare
You're my best friend
I will love you more then you know
I'm here for you untill the end
My feelings I have to show
You may not feel the same
But isn't that how it always goes?
You will always have my name
I promise this isn't a pose
I'm going to met you someday
Though it may not be soon
I'll just wait and lay
I hope it's under a full moon
(just a poem about what i'm feeling)
"I'm the friend, I'm the love"
I'm the friend you never see
I'm the friend you never wanted to be
I'm the friend you never knew was me
I'm the friend you never wanted to give the key
I'm the love you never had
I'm the love you never wanted so bad
I'm the love you never had to make you sad
I'm the love you never that you miss like mad
I'm the friend you want to see
I'm the friend you want be
I'm the friend you want to be me
I'm the friend you want to give the key
I'm the love you want to have
I'm the love you want so bad
I'm the love you want to make you sad
I'm the love you want to miss like mad
(I wrote this for one of the friends I like)
"Can"
I can see you
I can feel you
I can hear you
I can cry for you
You cant see me
You cant feel me
You cant hear me
You cant cry for me
I cant be with you
I cant help you
I cant do this for you
I cant make it for you
You can be with me
You can help me
You can do this for me
You can make it for me
(just a poem about a friend)
"Leaving"
Isee you threw the glass
I'm trying to move in a dash
I try to be with you
But now there's nothing I can do
You walked into my life
I never saw your strife
Why couldn't I see?
You were always there for me?
As I watch you walk away
I'm going to cry everyday
Tears form behind my eyes
I dont want to say good-bye
Now I wonder why I let you in
Would you consider this a sin?
One day I will see you, I know
But for now I will let you go
I cant stop you from leaving me
But to bad for me I gave you the key
I'll just watch the rain
Untill you come back, it stops the pain
(I'm just figuring out my feelings for one of my friends, but now he's leaving. So i wrote this to vent my feelings. Hope you like it,)
"May"
I look into your eyes
You wont see me cry
I want to die
You're watching, so I only let out a sigh
I want to be with you
You know exactly what to do
I'm not sure what I knew
You wont get me to shew
I see you with HER as I walk by
You don't see me die
I want to cry
You give out a little sigh
I think I should go
You wont care if I'm in woe
I already know
You wont let my feelings show
I don't want to see you today
You come around every May
I just cry and lay
You have nothing to say
(I dedicate this to Bonnie)
"Seal"
Isee what I want to be
I see what you dont want from me
I see what I dont want to be
I see what you want from me
I hear the words you say
I hear the words I said that day
I hear the words you dont say
I hear the words I didn't say that day
I feel what I could feel
I feel what you dont want to seal
I fell what I could never feel
I feel what you want to seal
(just a poem I wrote when I was talking to my friend. Hope you like^^)
"Water"
It rushes in the sea.
Left then right, left then right
It falls from the sky and you can barely see
Let it fall on this night with no light
It pushes and pulls
Dont know where it comes or goes
It sits in the gull
Just sitting in the cove
I watch it sway this way, then that way
Looking all around me, all I see is blue
The beuaty leaves me with nothing to say
It's going to be on my grass in the form of dew
(just a poem about water. Inspired by the rain right now)
"Died"
I'm stuck in this hell
Why am I so cold?
I'm thinking words you wouldn't tell
Why wasn't I told?
You wouldn't give me a chance
Are you going to walk away?
You said this wouldn't be our last dance
Can you tell me what to say?
I'm screaming at you
Why can't you hear me?
I'm not going to shew
Why did I give you the key?
You look me in the eyes
What happened to you?
You look like you have died
Should I have knew?
(I wrote this poem about my ex. He used to be my best friend, he understood me when no one else could, and then out out of no where he dumps me and wont talk to me. It's like he's not even the same person anymore...I don't know what happened to him, but I still love him.)
"See"
There you were
Just standing one the shore
I wasn't trying to met you
But you weren't going to shew
Ever since that day
We have so many things to say
You've been there for me
Why could I see?
You're dieing
All I was doing was crying
I never once saw your pain
Now all I can do is look at the rain
I promise I'll change
I'll try to unlock your cage
I promise I'm here
And that I'm always near
Please dont leave me
Without you I wont be able to see
You have helped me so many times
I'm going to help you shine
If you leave me today
I'll be left alone with nothing to say
Dont leave me in this hell
I promise I'll always let you tell
I need you
You know I'm not going to shew
You need me
Now I can finally help YOU to see
(I dedicate this to my friend who's thinking about suicide. Please don't do it, without you I'd be lost....please don't leave me...)
"Dance"
Remember when you looked at me
Promised that you'd never leave
BUt then you walked away
Is there nothing more I can say?
The moon will never know
I will never go
If I had one more night
I'd finally show you the light
Chorus:
Through the pain
Through the tears
I will watch it rain
Through the pain
Through the tears
There's nothing left to gain
Remember when I looked at you
I promised you I'd never shew
But now I don't know what I want
Me, your smile will always haunt
The stars will never glow
After everything that I have showed
If I had one more chance
I would ask you for one last dance
Chorus:
Through the pain
Through the tears
I will watch it rain
Through the pain
Through the tears
There's nothing more to gain
You will always be near
You will always be here
(This is a song, I'm still working on the tune, but once I'm done I'm going to give it to someone very special to me.
Hope you people like it!)
"Harp"
I can see the guilt on your face
I know we lost pace
I need to find a new place
I will no longer be your doll in a case
You say it's all my doing
You know what I already knew
You dont know what to do
You wont let me shew
I want to help in anyway i can
I want to help you be a man
I want to be in the sand
I know you will understand
You will try to stop
You will try to get to the top
You will not be useless like a mop
You know I will play the harp
(just a random poem i made in class....school can give you some good ideas. I was in S.S. when I made this one up...since our S.S teacher always gives us lectures on life I used it to write this poem. )
"Need"
Do I still love you?
What should I do?
My tears come like dew
Dew so brand new
Just like my feelings for you
Do you still love me?
What should you see?
Your tears I need
Need like the key
Just like you need me
(just a poem written with my left over emotions from today)
[[Sorry I haven't added poems in awhile, I'll make sure to do it more><]]
 miroku fan 101 · Fri May 16, 2008 @ 02:02am · 0 Comments |
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