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Dear my John Lennon soul,


Cutting wrists ....slamming fists....shooting up.....poop in a cup....how do I count the ways of sad peoples lifes? I dont......

Once I weighed 80 pounds at the end of 8th grade....I was depressed becasue of an x boyfriend who told me that i could loose some weight. So I lost weight...about fourt, fourty five pounds. I didnt eat because my unhappiness was too buisey eating my body away. I never cut my wrists....I though about it, I even tried to throw up when I really hit an emotional rock bottom. I hated myself...but now I am a happier person..I got over it and I stopped carring about what other people thought of me. I never cut my wrists, I never ....well I did try to end my life..I thought about it so often that I went crazy and just walked all around the house looking crazy and deranged. I was mental for a certain time period...hiding in my laudry room...eating hole boxes of nutrigrain bars...ate three hole boxes in a day.

2nd part of my defeat......

I got obsessed....in the 8th grade...to loose weight so I went to the gym and I did like 100 sit ups..yanking on my neck for each one..I was so stooped. I went to the gym and tried to lift this one weight on a machine and thats were I totaly shot myself in the foot. I was trying so hard..and then all of a sudden I heard this pain and my back started to hurt so bad..i went home and I did more sit ups.....I could have just killed myself..what was I thinking? You cant win when your cheeting your body..unless your so mentaly diffused that you cant even tell if your hurting or not..your just numb with saddness and greaf.

The onlt way you feel emotions is to releas this chemical into your brain. So you pretty much make yourself mad..make yourself happy..make yourself sad. You basicly choose how you want to be. If you get pissed so easily thats becasue you've gotten mad so many times your brain is used to it and your just an angry person...

I think I feel better now................ heart