I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've been up and down more than a kangaroo during the mating season and I'm feeling completely confused about every aspect of my life.
I've been sitting here all day by myself, my brother and my best friend aren't around since they've practically been forced up to Lemming's house for his birthday. They are usually the two who keep me sane and happy during the day - especially on the weekend - and not having them around makes me feel empty inside.
I don't have many friends in RL, I guess because I'm such a difficult person to get on with. I'm quite strange in behaviour and being a complete tomboy cuts me off from most of the girls since the ones in the area seem to be into the whole tarty thing that I despise. I don't mind this much though since I've always preffered to hang around with guys, even from a very young age, I suppose sometimes I wish I had a female friend I could talk to about the girly problems I can't mention around guys. In that aspect I feel completely trapped and shut out from everyone, more so when my only two friends - one of which is my brother - leave me by myself for such a long time.
I guess the main reason I'm feeling like this is the slight jealousy that Lemming has my friends' attention for the whole day and I'm being completely ignored. I don't like feeling left out and unwanted and that's exactly how I feel at the moment.
I guess what I'm saying is that I just want a bit of attention?
I'm a bit of a loner by nature but when it comes down to it I love to be around my friends and feel terrible without them. They are what keep me going, friendship to me is the sole reason of being alive.
Now I'm just talking a load of crap .__.;;
I don't know what to do... ;__; I'm only happy when I'm with him and...the sad thing is I know he won't always be there...if he leaves me...if he goes...then what'll I do?
I'll just crumple and die...that's what.
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