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crying

I went to his brick today at lincoln park bc it saves gas to go there then to his actual grave sight. I Told him how I miss him, how the fourth wasnt the same. I let him know whats goin on with me. I remember every time I went to his house hed ask about my boy friends ... I told him whats up with all of them. I told Him how I feel like doin nothing since he died. How I feel like not goin to church. How I feel useless. How I am just here and no one sees me... The wind blew by me and I could feel him there . I know he sees me and he loves me. I want to stop feeling this bad. How do I stop when he was like a father to me Because my real dad Is an a** who treats me like s**t . My dad accuses me of so much and it hurts. I never did half the things hes said I've done. My Grandpa ... MINE... Hes gone ... I look in my phone and it says G-pa Hodges and I break down, he was more then my Grandpa. He was my stubborn, lazy old fart, who sleeped all day stayed up all night, party like a rockstar, Best friend forever, smile on my face, reason to get up in the morning, laugh when in public, your friend isn't mexican shes dirty , run away from the hospital, Birthday sharing, great memoires, sitting on the pourch , fun loving Grandpa....

I miss him soo much...

Missy
crying