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As always, I try to seek a reason for why I'm doing something. Writing this log for instance... occasionally I wonder why I put entries in it. Following my little battles in this war with Winter at my side...
Sad truth is no answer really comes to mind. To let people know how I could fall in love with a wolven girl? To just let people know how I lived my youth? What?
But, today, or tonight rather, I've been faced with some tough questions from my wolf partner. And this all is just running through my head over and over again, and I have to get it out somewhere. (Possible reason number 29 of 100 why I keep this damn thing.)
The fire was crackling, and we were just stargazing, sharing our little stories here and there, the little jokes I tell every so often. A giggle from Winter here and there, an 'I love you' both given and recieved I don't know how many times. (Well, actually I do, but why would I write that down?)
And then comes the three most uncomfortable subjects any survivor like me can ask for.
The fire was dancing on in our eyes as we stared into it, and Winter gives me a solid kiss after I finally wrap my arms around her... so by now I'm freakin dazed and dreamin' on into the flames. (If you're a guy, remember to do your best to keep your mind outta the gutter in said situation, because 'Mr. Sunshine' can and most likely will come for a visit the next morning...)
"Hey, D." she starts all innocent and loving. (Thus begins the trap.)
"Yeah?" I ask, still half dazed.
"Nothing, nevermind." (Modification of the trap has begun because she knows my personality. Sooo, this is basically where you just want to shut up... but I'm not that bright until after the conversation.)
"C'mon what is it? What'd you want to ask?" I asked, giving her a little nudge towards me with my arm. (STUPID! Because by now she knows I'm hooked.)
"Do you actually like this war?" (And thus the question of how much I love this woman truly begins.)
"Winter, I like to fight, I'll give you that much, the thought of chaos alone is something I've grown to love... but, I don't like this or any war for that matter." I said, sighing a bit as I watched the flames.
"So what makes you like fighting?" She asked, sounding intrigued by me.
"Winter, I like fighting, because it shows you just how far you're willing to go, for something you care about. It shows you just how much you're willing to give for your beliefs. And when I fight, I don't worry about what happens down the road after it, I don't worry about my past, all that matters is that moment, those moments I get out of the fight. And when that happens to me, I just feel like everything's going to be exactly what it should be, everything is okay." I smirked a bit looking at her, "Not saying I don't feel that way here with you, but when I'm fighting, its a love of mine, a passion, and.. I just won't give it up Winter."
She looked at the flames a bit, before asking another question I find uncomfortable. "Do you think you'll die in battle?"
"If I die fighting, I'll die with a smile on my face, because I'll know I fought for my beliefs." I said calmly, looking at the flames and then at Winter... she was so beautiful in the firelight.
She looked at me, her face in a serene smile. Her eyes looking at me full of the fire.
"I love you."
I just smiled...
"I love you too."
"D?"
"Yes?"
"I want to..." She turns red... deep red... and by now I've become red and I swallow down a lump in my throat, and ask.
"What is it you want to do?"
"I want to make love to you..." She turns away and looks elsewhere. I'm looking at her, a new flush of red coming over me. I'm just looking at her with wide eyes.
"I'm sorry please tell me I heard right... you want to mate with me?"
"Yes" She squeaked turning red as can be and looking away from me.
My arm's no longer wrapped around her, I just look into the fire, my eyes completely wide... my mouth dropping a bit and I just stare into it.
"W-winter..... I-I I think it's time we went to sleep, I'm feeling very drowsy."
I feigned a yawn, getting up and walking away.
"Goodnight."
I layed down on the other side of the fire, trying to use that to keep myself away from her. How I wanted to... but we were in the middle of a war! If reason gave way and somehow she wound up mothering, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. In the middle of a war no, but afterwards, perhaps.