Ever wish you could just have a magical on and off switch at your disposal? You know what I mean, want to turn off a tv sometime? Flip the switch, want to turn on the lights? Hit that thing, have an annoying neighbor? Turn them off and forget about it. Have a horrible dream? Tick that off too, or better yet. If you have a certain feeling that you just can't shake. Wouldn't it be grand if there was some sort of switch to just flip and turn off that part of your humanity?
Would you? Could you? I mean it sounds wonderful, dislike someone that you shouldn't? Flip a switch and forget about those feelings. Or even better, like someone that only ends up causing you grief and stress? Forget all that too.
It sounds easy if you look at life in that childish manner. It's easy to dream and think about ways to "magically" escape lifes problems. But in reality, thats just fantasy and being an adult. You have to face those feelings. You have to live with it and move on. Despite how you tear yourself up over it.
But hey, it's still good to muse on right? After all thinking that those kinds of thoughts are completely unrealistic and childish is unrealistic in itself. As it's normal, and completely human.
Even if you could, even if I could turn off certain parts of my humanity. Would it be worth it? What would you sacrifice just to make certain moments of your left less awkward, or just to stop those times you stress out and have an anxiety attack on your back porch?
By flipping off those switches you risk losing so much. Memories, friends, possible futures. In the end I feel it's better to think it was a good thing for those feelings to happen. Even if it causes you grief and unhappiness. Better to have happened, then never at all.
Right?
In reality the only thing I can ever do is walk towards the future and smile back at the past. Theres no magical switches along the way, theres no way to go back down the pathway. Not if I ever want to reach the eventual end. Which I hear, is quite a sight.
Sure things would be much easier on me if I could turn off certain emotions. Or anything similar. But as long as I continue to strive to be a good person. Not to harden my heart, continue being nice and refuse to be mean. I can never wish to turn off those things and deny part of myself.
I constantly find myself thinking along these lines as I move forward. I get caught up, depressed, sad, happy, and all that. I often hate these times. But I always look forward to the day I can look back and smile about them happening.
~DJ Bothwell
XDvandalDJ · Sat Aug 09, 2008 @ 01:04am · 0 Comments |