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~*Chapter eight

I remember storming out the door and running to Rodney’s house, I remember the tears that fell in big drops constantly, making it hard for me to see in the dark. I remember hearing my heart drumming, my cheeks flushed from the wind. Now I was sitting in a chair next to Cloud who was crying harder than me. Brian sat in front of me, his legs crossed, his eyes closed. He kept biting his lip. Then he looked at me.
“I understand we started off the wrong foot Annie, and I understand—“
“No!” I stood up and glared at him. “I didn’t come to listen to your crap; I want to know what happened to Rodney! So don’t sit on your a** and tell me how we’re not getting along. I know damn right that we aren’t going to get along, never.” I clenched my teeth harder together. Cloud tugged at my sweatshirt. I sat back down. She sniffed.
“Oh, Annie, Rodney was out while you were hiking. The police told us there was a drunk driver who just crashed in to Rodney’s car. The impact was just hard, and bam!” she choked back on her tears again. “Poor Rodney was crushed.”
“What happened to the a*****e?” my voice was angry. My hands clenched in fists, my knuckles turned white. My face was suddenly hot.
“The driver? Well Annie, he also died.” Brian replied. His voice was so boring, he felt like nothing amusing happened. “I hope you’ll be going to the funeral.” His fingers tapped against his knee.
“Of course.” I said through clenched teeth.
“Annie, I’m so sorry, really. I loved him, but you loved him so much more.” Cloud huffed. I felt it. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, everything was blurry. I blinked and the tears fell down my cheek lightly. I quickly ran towards the door and got out of that ghastly place. I kept running. Running. Crying. Running. Crying. A constant rhythm, taking small gasps of air, and then returning the rhythm. My running was stopped when I tripped on a rock and fell down. My arms supporting me from hitting my face, my knee’s slammed against the concrete. I saw my tears trickle down my cheeks and fall like rain. I felt sharp pain bolt up my leg; I gasped and lifted my leg. My jeans torn a big hole, my weak thin tan skin scratched. Blood started to form upwards and trickled. I cried harder, my heart in pain and now this. I screamed out loud, holding my knee. I struggled to get up and started limping. It was completely dark; firefly’s lit up the dark.
I felt blood trickle a small stream down my leg. I looked behind me, a small glint of light coming from Rodney’s house. He’s not there anymore. I thought. I huffed and then clutched my stomach. “He’s not anywhere anymore.” I whispered to myself. “No where!!” I screamed. My body was weak and suddenly just collapsed. I cried and cried.
My dad came out from nowhere. He was pale, and he frowned. When he saw my bleeding knee, my wet face he ran immediately towards. “Annie! I was looking for you, what happened?! You’re hurt, does it hurt?” he pulled me up and hugged me tight. It was comfort he was giving me. Something I never experienced with a parent before.
“Daddy.” I whispered. “He’s gone daddy, he’s gone—“ my cries got the best of me and I choked again. Crying like mad. He stroked my hair and rocked my body back and forth. My knee stung with pain.
“Let’s go home Annie.” He said gently. I clutched his shirt. My voice grew loud. I pushed my father away and screamed.
“Don’t leave me! Please!” I hunched over clutching my stomach again. “Come back damn it!” I stopped. My tears kept falling but I stopped gasping, the pain on my knee stopped stinging.
“He never left you Annie. He’s still here.” My dad whispered. I looked up at him, my eyes stinging. His face was younger now, his hand out in front of me. My hand reached forward.
Everything just stopped.
~*~

My life sucked so far. I got the abortion and Cloud was the one to give it to me. We didn’t make small talk, we both said nothing. After that I went back to school. Everyone stared at me and girls started to whisper to each other. I knew exactly what they were all saying.
‘I heard she got pregnant.’
‘ohmygawd, with who?!’
‘Rodney.’
‘That slut. where is he now?’
‘heaven I guess.’
People blamed his death on me. My final meeting with him was just a simple I love you. I was caught up in my own problems; constantly worrying about myself I never gave a chance for Rodney. He always worried about me; every thought of his was about me.
I had no friends, I never really did. No one talked to me, and teachers thought I was a failure. Can’t blame them, I was, I was the biggest failure of them all. If I could get my hands on drugs I would, right now. When I came back from school I laid down on the couch. My father made dinner and our conversations were small. My dad mostly talked about how bad of a father he was, how bad of an influence he was. I nodded to everything he said then told him he was wrong.
Everyone has a choice.
You can pick the bad one or the good one.
I chose the bad one.
Once you choose one you can’t pick another. You got to be a lucky one to get a second chance.
Each choice you make changes your life dramatically.
“I’m going to bed now dad. Thanks for dinner.” My voice was raspy. He nodded and shooed me to bed. I took a shower and changed into sweats and a baggy shirt. I crept into bed and buried my face into my pillow. I have nothing of him to remember except for his scent. I grabbed his T-shirt that Cloud gave me for comfort. It made everything worse; I clutched his shirt and pulled it to my face. I inhaled the cigarette smell. I remember how I loved the aroma of the candy-like smoke filling the air when he smoked.
Inhaling his scent I drifted to sleep.

~*~

I had the same dream ever since I heard of Rodney’s death. It took place in the park Rodney first took me to. The sky was lavender; the clouds were giving a creamy look, slowly moving just like me and Rodney. We were holding hands running for fun. Running from the world, laughing. Then Rodney stopped, and I stopped behind him. Both of us panting, catching our breath. His cheeks flushed, and he gave me a bright smile. ‘I love you babe.’ He would tell me. Then he would come close and brush his lips against my cheek, his lips then found mind and he kissed me lightly. His hands cradled my face. He gazed deep in my eyes. His green eyes shimmering. ‘Stay with me forever.’ I couldn’t talk, my voice was gone. I only nodded at everything he said, agreeing completely. Then he’ll bend down to kiss me again. It felt like the creamy lavender sky began to shimmer.