This isn't an emo b***h rant. This isn't self praise. Its venting.
I do my best to be the best friend I can be. I try to make sure I know what my friend's limits are so I don't cross them, and if I do cross them by accident, I make a point to never do whatever I did again. If I make a promise or agree to do something, I do my best to do it. If my friends are talking about something I'm not interested in, I'll still do my best to participate in the conversation. I'm more generous with them than I probably should be, paying for stuff as simple as a $5 fastfood meal to $300 dollars in rent, or just buying them little trinkets I think they might enjoy for the hell o it, most the time I don't even ask people to pay me back. I try to be supporting when they tell me their dreams or when they're upset.
I find it more than a little upsetting when they don't return the favor.
Even more upsetting is when they get mad at me for being upset. Like me having emotions is a personal burden to them.
When I tell my friends that they're doing something that upsets me, the usual response is "Whatever. Too bad.", and then they keep doing it. Sometimes I get "Thats bullshit. Get over yourself."
If I start talking about something they aren't interested in, the common response is that they will either talk over me to get on a different subject, or leave the room.
If I need a favor as small as a couple quarters for laundry, or a ride to the bank to cash my paycheck, the response is always either "I don't want to" or "What will I get if I do?". I haven't had a birthday present from anyone other than my MOTHER in three years.
They constantly make fun of me to each other when I'm sitting right there. And its not nice fun, either. They talk about things I told them in confidence, personal things. Like, for instance, my boyfriend keeps making fun of me because I wont have sex with him. My room mate keeps bashing me for 'flirting' with him, even though I'm NOT, and I've asked him to tell me when I do something that seems like I am so I can stop. Another friend brings up nigh unto sacred moments I've had that I told her about once, that she promised to keep secret, like she was talking about a movie she watched.
When they make promises or agreements, they 'forget' that they ever made them, or, if they aren't willing to put forth the effort to lie, simply tell me that they don't want to, because its too inconvenient.
And then, when I tell them that all this upsets me, they resort to calling me an immature b***h, and I have to apologize to get them to talk to me again. If I DON'T tell them, they get mad at me for keeping things from them, because I'm terrible and hiding my emotions and they see me EVERYDAY. I live with them, work with them, and hang out with them.
When I tell them my aspirations, they shoot me down. Example: I told one of them that I thought it might be fun to be a tattoo artist, his first response was "I wouldn't get a tattoo from you.".
I'm not exaggerating. Its not like this ALL the time, but its been happening a lot more lately.
The worst thing, though, is that they don't believe me when I tell them things. I'm NOT a liar. I have nothing to lie about.
I'm not sure what I should do. When they aren't being a troupe of first rate assholes, they're a great circle of friends. But great friends that are first-rate assholes is kind of a bitter oxymoron.
So I don't know if I should ditch them and find a whole new group of friends -maybe some that appreciate me as a person. What a novel idea- or try to sort this out. You know, faith before the miracle and all that. Of course, this has been going on for a LONG time, and I haven't seen and miracles.
roundtressymx Community Member 
|
|
