Come backs that I actually came up with spontaneously. Be proud, it doesn't happen often. As it is I'll probably be using them again just to bask in my own cleverness. Yes, I know, now shut up.
Someone says something that is or may be construed as an order.
My come back: Sorry, I'm not a fast food restaurant, I don't take orders.
Some does/says something idiotic.
My response: My instruments are detecting high levels or fail in the vicinity. <--- This one can be changed up a bit. i.e. Wow, my instruments are indicating that your fail levels are off the charts.
Okay, I'll stop being so enamored with my cleverness.
*transmission terminated*
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