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so here is the 411.
Broke up with my dear James because he was talking to me behind my back, and I was trying to trust him so that totally ruined my trusting him. I decided Nick was still in my life... maybe I should give him a chance. I was just going to... I was just getting happy again when BOOM.
He ******** another girl...
he lied to me at first and told me he didn't. He got all angry at me for even suggesting it...
then he said "Okay, we did... but it was a mistake and i told her that!"
then it was "Of course we used a condom"
then "okay, maybe we didn't use a condom the whole time"
but it was still "I don't care about her"
until suddenly "Okay, maybe I do have feelings for her, but I still love you more"
then She talked to me and said they did it two days in a row... first time with condoms, second without.
He says that is bullshit and that he used a condom the whole time and she tried to climb on top of him but he wouldn't do it. She said he was ******** her without the condom and he almost came inside her.
sooooooo... this is literally some he-said/she-said bullshit, right?
Why should I care? Because now it shows I can't trust him. He lied to me repeatedly. He originally said he would wait for me forever and that the thought of being with anyone else made him sick. Apparently that was just until some whore threw herself at him...
She thinks she loves him, which is stupid because they knew each other for a week and they wouldn't have even met if not for me... not to mention everyone knew I still cared about him...
and I thought it was "friend code" not to ******** your friends ex... specially if she still has feelings for him. She pretended she wanted to be my friend and stabbed me in the back. I love how she is now pretending to be a decent person and say that she just wants to tell me the truth and she is sorry I had to find out. I'm not sorry I found out. Rather know now than after I am married wondering where I got herpes, right?
Yeah. She got checked for STDs too... like it is really HIM she had to worry about. He was mine... and unlike her... i don't sleep with anything that shows a mild interest.
So he is pissed at me cause I am making him take these expensive tests. Nothing is free, hon. You ******** a person you hardly know... either you stay with that person or you deal with the tests.
He should just be lucky i didn't cut his d**k off and feed it to him.

wow, was that the angriest blog I have ever written. I think so.

So, I just got put on a mild anti-psychotic today. That is just such a horrible name... anti-psychotic. I don't think I am psychotic... just upset...
but my hallucinations aren't getting any better. I went to Ben's grave today and told him to stop following me. I hate that picture they used of him... it doesn't look like him! But yeah, I keep seeing him...
I actually am seeing other people too... ones that aren't dead. It is kinda flashbacks I guess. I walked into the living room a few nights ago and saw the couch bed pulled out and James asleep on it... when I went over to sit down next to him, it all faded.
and I cried... and cried... and cried.
I didn't have a chance to get over him... and he wants to stay in contact but not enough to actually maintain a friendship with me.
I don't know what he wants. I was hoping maybe he would treat me better as a friend... so there isn't "pressure" but he still just kinda puts me aside...
He made me so happy when he called me the other night... and he said that he would call me before he went to work yesterday... so i held my phone all day... and he never did.
I told him that I wasn't expecting it, so it didn't really bother me... but it really upset me. I am sick of people breaking promises! If I get lied to one more time I am going to kill someone. (and I might, cause I am apparently "psychotic" wink
ah well. I am going to get a nap so I can study with a clear mind. Goodnight darlings.
~Dryden