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~*Invited.
I guess one simple invitation to a birthday party, changes the way you think about people. Showing their true colors and how they use to act.
Lastnight when i just added Tanner on Myspace, that horrid site. He sends me a text message inviting me to his birthday party at his house. My mom says it OK, unless she gets all the details. I'm curious what his house looks like, he basically lives in the middle of no where. But i'm a bit scared, what if there isn't like any girls there? What if there are just boys, like, Kenny? Taylor? Trevor?! I would probably die. My decision is still left unknown at the moment.
During lunch i asked Hailey if she was invited to Tanner's birthday party. The angel i once knew pursed her lips and gave me a dirty look.
'No. Not yet.'
If you are, are you gonna come?
'Can't. Never could because of the movies he watches on his birthday. Maybe that's why he didn't give me an invitation.'
Then she conitinued to eat. Then she started to chew slowly. Her face showed jealousy and sadness.
'I think. . .'
She whispered. She let it get into her head, like he shunned her for me or something. Why does it matter when you can't go anyways? So she goes up to Tanner during classes talking about it. But i had a feeling she was talking about something else also. Like,
'Remember?
Uh-huh.
Do it.'
I really didn't pay attention because i'm sick. I can't breath, i feel all icky. When i put my jacket its hot. Take it off, it's cold.
Hailey used to be nice, hesitant and very serious in her religion. She was a mega christain. No PG-13 movies, only rated G, and PG watched with parents. She used to be afraid just talking about something that is offensive to someone. She found it hard just to say a simple insult, like,'That doesn't really look good on you today.' It's really not that mean!
Hailey now, she is the complete opposite. She doesn't give a crap, and talks dirty. Get's jealous easily, and says the insult in a snap! I sometimes look at the girl and wounder how many times God has to forgive her. Bernadine and I fight alot, playfully. When it seems mean, it always ends up with laughs.
Bernadine, you need a nose job.
'You, Arriya, need a boob job!'
We laughed. Then Hailey looks at me.
'Why are you even friends with her? She's so mean to you.'
She said to Bernadine. Hello? I'm your friend to, right Hailey? I was in front of her, and i straightened up. I saw that Bernadine felt a bit offended, then we talked to each other in our own heads.
'Why didn't she say my comment was mean?'
Who knows.
Bernadine shrugs then says,
'No, it's not. We joke around alot, she's like my sister. My first friend at school.'
Hailey rolled her eyes and looked away. I understand how Bernadine doesn't like Hailey all that much, but she manages to hang with her.
The girl was talking about me. I just knew it. I felt it. She was in a deep conversation with Ariana about Tanner. About the invitation. So deep, when ever i walked over to join in, they stopped. They made it completely obvious.
Hailey was my friend. I didn't want to be bitter towards her. Yet she always showed a pain expression at me. That's when it hit me.
She was like me. When you hang around with certain people it some what changes you charector. I remember how i used to say the 'F' word in every sentence in 6th grade because of Chris. It felt like i was gagging at my personality. So i did talk like that, snap. Ouch. But i was careless, i didn't give a crap how anyone felt because it didn't affect me. Yet again it came around and bit me. I was like my mother. Impatient and tempered. My mother actually encouraged me to be aggressive, she told me that if there was someone i didn't like, for certain rival reasons make sure to beat them down.
I was fighting against myself. Bree. It felt like Bree was in Hailey. Bree didn't like my friends at all.
Valerie and Megan.
I love them both, i knew them anyways, yet Hailey always argued about their looks, and how they act.
I love the ******** fact Megan laughs all the time, my abs are in shape because of non-stop laughter. She makes me happy in her physical communication.
Valerie was an old friend from 4 years ago. I'm lucky enough to have her with me.
I never knew i could say rude things to Ariana, she used to be my friend. Like BEST. Till Hailey got annoyed and told me things.
And you know what. I was gulliable enough to listen. I didn't stop it. I listened and absorbed it, letting it click to my brain, shutting everything off. Hailey, why?
Why are you pissed off because you weren't invited to a birthday party you couldn't even go to. Tanner soon understood everything he later on told her that he did invite her, but knew she couldn't go. She still was offended. I wasn't upset. I was flustered. Tired and sick.
Yesterday Tanner wrapped his arms around me and said Thank you.
Today he said he hated me for not talking to him at Mc-teachers night. I said sorry and told him i loved him very much. Yet he tends to still be very touchy with me. Does he know i don't really truly love him anymore. Yet my heart still thumps slightly when he comes near me. But he was to much trouble, friends was all I could bear. Could he bear more?
I never confronted Hailey about anything. I just let her do whatever. I treated her like me. She was me. It felt just like that.
At the end of school i demanded we go to Panera bread. I got soup for my cold and a Jones soda. I opened my soda and looked at the cap. It read, An uncomfortable situation will soon be eased. I laughed and said,
It better.
 NinteyDegrees_South · Sat Sep 27, 2008 @ 01:14am · 2 Comments |
