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Lonely... =_= That's all I can say. Well, that was a lie: I'm sick too. Yep, those are all I can say about all of October so far. I'm pretty sure that I've missed more school than I'm able to pass my classes with, which means I won't be able to graduate this semester, which means I won't be able to pay for next semester to graduate, which means I'm S.O.L. >.<; I'm still looking for a job, and I'm willing to use my buddy's influence to get me a cook's job at Pizza Hut so I don't go completely broke. Ideally I'd need something with a bit more pay, or at the very least closer to home, because if I'm going to ride my bicycle all that way to work, I'd had better be getting something for my efforts...

Still confused about that girl's feelings, and I wonder what's going on with hers as well. I can't really comment about any of it since I'm in the dark almost entirely aside from what I hear from other sources (which are untrustworthy at best). I just want someone to hug and cuddle right now, and she gives me the same butterflies that I got the first time she said she loved me, so ideally I want my cuddles from that one. >.<; I wish I knew why my relationships are always so complicated... I would just like a girl to accept me as I am AND provide me with affection openly and completely. I'm all for the compromises too, I don't mind doing my part to make the relationship work, even if that means working very hard... I mean, she basically needs two things--closeness and massive amounts of food. o.o;; I'm talking about truckloads of royalty worthy feasts...

I haven't been able to make it to sparring during this week, but I did get to catch my buddy's promotion to red pants (instructor), which was very awesome. He 's one of those 75-ers that gives the extra 35% in the dojo, and I guess everybody respects the little guy for it as much as I do. Stillwell kept us in in the kneeling position for far longer than my knees could take--Mr. Porter seemed to have issues standing back up too, which makes me a bit worried about his longevity. There's a tournament this Saturday that my buddy had insisted that I compete in, and I just had to say "buddy, I can't breathe right now. What makes you think I can compete in three days?" and he just mentioned the instructor setting it up... I figured I'd have a shot after that. Still, I was hoping to visit that kendo class to see their teaching method, so I'm a bit conflicted. Oh, did I mention that I'm failing Japanese? I might as well just take the time to study more than I am now... =_=

With any luck, things will turn out alright, and I won't have to retake my classes next semester. However, if I must, I won't let little things like dying of lung disease or ebola slow me down from getting things done. I just wish everyone were more supportive of me and less...well, demanding and insulting. The toilet over-flowed today, and since they heard my story last, I must have done it... =_= How do you even know when you're causing the thing to over-flow?! You do your business, you flush, it goes down, you go back to work. O.o I don't see how you're responsible for the utility's failure. I hadn't even used the restroom today, but there's a a huge brown stain in the ceiling directly underneath that has my name branded into it now. Great... Why am I the easiest person to be blamed?!

It seems people either have it out for me, or they just don't care enough to deal with me. Either way, I'm pretty effing lonely, yet I can't deal with people at all at the moment. Go figure. O.o