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I guess, but yet still know, that I'm not the only person who suffers at home with family. I guess, but still know, it could be worse. Yet, I can't come to my sense and really agree with myself to get help. Tis only one of many things that make me wanna cry, make me wanna die, make me wanna ... anything but me. It sucks to know that the other things you currently suffer from, are the things people have warned you about or perhaps the thing you wanted with everything, yet nothing. And that wanting 0 the craving for it while being confused - it hurts once you figure it out and maybe as something that makes you suffer. Maybe, your suffering is trying to tell you something - but it gives you the painful choice - do you listen, and try to find the road that works? Or do you ignore these signs, Possibly suffering more, wishing you took the choice to heal. Or maybe its the rod to go back FURTHER to the confusing state you wanted in the first place.
But what if its a lie?
Do lies count as suffering,no matter who they're towards? When isn't it a suffering anymore? Or when IS it?
When does anything ever make COMPLETE sense?
Why are people sometime so addicted to suffering? - Like me? We know its bad. We know its hurts we know we hate it - so what drives us to continue?
EDIT:
So why did Buddha think that suffering is only a part of life? Why MUST we live with it. If suffering is BAD? And we want a GOOD life, why is it part of a balance? Bad things must happen. But sometimes suffering must stop. Doesn't it? Buddha was all over balance - but what good comes of MORE bad than you need? Thieving and murder and horrors and haunting - they're all bad..
Wait, are those all suffering? So, maybe Buddha is right, maybe we need something to suffer of.
But why can't it tone down?!
I think that sometimes we all gotta hate ourselves in anything we can/ If we're perfect, we gotta hate ourself for being so perfect. If we're failures makes many more than yourself hate you. But, in relation to all my philosophical rants, there is too much suffering. Because yes, hate - no matter how its looked at, is some direct or indirect form of suffering. More than anything, I want to know why I care so much about random thing. Why so I - and yeah, the other people who suffer - care that they suffer. Because its all they know? What drives them and me to think about suffering, and confusing, when its all we know? We don't want to learn. We don't really want an answer ... or do we? What would the answer prove us? What would the answer solve? Knowing the answer to why we suffer, why we are confused, why people ARE addicted to suffering, why we think about any of this - would only think about and ask more questions and its just a loop.
So would that be another form of suffering?
I think sooner of later, I'll come to realize that no matter what in everything we do?
We suffer.
When all my philosophy has been written. The world will know.
EDIT:
I've figured something out. Perfect people can't hate themselves. Hate is something opposite of happy. Being happy makes someones life perfect in the matter that they make believe that suffering doesn't exists... Therefore hate /=/ perfect people.
 .Tea.Bag. · Mon Oct 03, 2005 @ 09:36pm · 0 Comments |
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