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So I'm confused out of my mind. And yes, this is a serious entry, so pull up a chair, it's going to be awhile. -sigh-
I really need to get my priorities straight, because if I don't, I'm going to go insane. And Andy wants me to do his school work. I wish he'd just die already. He's lazy as ******** and now that everyone's finally doing something, everything falls on my shoulders. And anyone who knows anything knows that I'M scared of him. Colby knows. And Biggie, too, I think. I can't remember, it was too long ago.
I think I love WLO. It's my only escape from anything right now, but it's a complete distraction at the same time. Hate love relationship, and it's keeping me from getting my school work done. But I love just talking. It's like I have friends again, and I need all the friends I can get. I really miss Southwest. Maybe a little too much, but it hurts and it's becoming more apparent every day. I wish mother wasn't so blind.
I really don't like my mom right now, anyways. But now that it's starting to hurt the hate is increasing. I mean, it's her fault that I had to leave, because she didn't have the balls to do it herself. And now she wants to act like nothing ever happened? Well ******** her. She can go burn in hell. Oh, and yeah, I'm going to try to go to heaven now, maybe. ******** hell, I'd rather have heaven. Which means I'm going to be paying and atoning for my sins.
Which means I'm done lying. Or at least, I'm going to stop lying. Because I am a liar, habitually. I can tell people what they want to hear, and it makes me like the boy who cried wolf, because no one knows when to believe me. If I like you, I'll tell you the truth always, though.
Me and Tiffany are over "for now". Hell, it's probably just me running from my problems again, because I have no clue what that means. But I was bored, too, and I felt bad. I WISH YOU'D JUST GO AND LIVE YOUR ******** LIFE. It's not like you had one anyways. You can be just as shallow as Rosalie sometime, y'know that? Damn it all to hell.
I wish I had something else to take all this rage out on, but I don't, so I'm just going to lay down the hammer right now. The ******** buck stops here. You need to ******** listen for once, maybe it'll get through your thick skull this time.
I worked so ******** hard to make us work. I tried to stay up all the ******** time. I live in the night. It's when I'm awake the best. And I work the best, but no, you can't accept that, you're always like, Nick, stay up with me. Or, Nick, why do you always have to be sleeping when I'm up? Well, b***h, why can't you stop being a p***y and ******** ask your dad to go to cyber school? Or why do you have to be so ******** stupid all the time? You can't ******** change some things. And I sleep best at night, and when I tried to switch back to normal day hours, it just ******** up my sleep schedule. And you had the ******** nerve to go and complain and b***h about that.
Ever stop to think that I've been going through some ******** rough times too? Damn. I've never seen you so inconsiderate. I've always had to ******** work. And now I wish I wasn't in love. Just like that song by Good Charolette. Now I'm trying to forget you, because I don't want to be in love. ********.
And I had given you so many ******** chances to pay back the favors before I pulled the plug. "Do you want me to hum to you?" "Do whatever you want." And just like that you'd just ******** write it off. It's like you won't do anything unless you ******** have to. Maybe I wanted you to ******** hum me to sleep, but you never think about anything but your ******** self. I had been trying so ******** hard to please you, always saying sorry, always trying to keep you from being emotional. Always asking what was wrong. But you, you just don't ******** care. Right about now, you could just go ******** die. I don't even care. I do, though. I wish I didn't. But that's the ******** thing about love. And I fall in love too much. Just like Renee. I still ******** love her, but I can't have her, and she broke my heart, so ******** her. You heading right down the same road.
So, do I ever think that I'll ******** get back with you? Forgive you? I'd bet more on the second than the first. I'm just going to move on, but I'm still going to love you. And I'm still going to keep my promises. I am a man of my word. Just like how I'm going to rub all my promises in Renee's face. She'll see what a ******** terror I can be, then.
And I love how you say you'll ******** change something, but you never do. You try for like, a day, the day I point it out to you in complete rage, and then afterwards, you're just like, ******** it, why try? I don't even know what to do with you right now. I'm just so ******** pissed off. And I'm completely prepared to make hasty decision. Because I can.
But anyways. I need to go do my own school work. Eat something. If I can, anyways. Atreyu is distracting me, I guess. It's pointing things out, too. I need to change a lot of profiles and stuff. Because, well, you know.
I'll always love you, but ******** you. I'm fed up.

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