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The Masquerade Massacre 1

"My king, Thou called for me?"
The king stands by the window of his enormous room, staring at the people walking past the walls of the castle. He turns his head slightly to see the man who walked into his room.
"Yes, Aethelweard, thank you for coming,"
Aethelweard kneels before the king as he waits for the king’s request.
"I have decided to have a gathering for my third year rein of Britain and I want you to send out the invitations to everyone of Britain."
"That's fantastic. What kind of gathering?"
"I would like it to be a dinner gathering. No! Even better a masquerade!"
"Yes sir that is a great idea. Is there a specific way I should tell the people to come dressed?"
"No just say that their face must be hidden. Now go and tell everyone."
"Yes sir, Right away!"
Aethelweard runs out of the room into the streets of Britain, accompanied by a few royal guards. He nails an invitation on every door right before he knocks to alert the residents of the home.


2 months later



Oscar Caldwell and Emily Adams ride in a horse pulled carriage up to the front gate of the castle.
There are walls surrounding the whole palace and the gate is ordained with silver bars, golden doves on top of it, and the keyhole is a golden 'R'.
One of the noble guards walk up to the carriage and Oscar shows him the invitations.
That guard signals the other guards and they open the gates.
He salutes Oscar and Emily and the carriage goes in.
Emily looks at the stone castle and admires its peeks. The peek at the center of the castle is the tallest one and looks more like a tower. It has a golden bell at the top, which started to ring when we arrived, signifying that the last guests have arrived.
"Wow!! The castle looks so immense! I bet it has about thirty rooms!"
Oscar smiles at Emily as they get out of the carriage and more guards open the colossal front doors for them.
The doors are made out of silver with designs of all kinds of animals on it. The knobs are golden tiger heads.
They walk through the doors holding each other's hands.
"The inside looks so much larger then the outside does!"
Emily looks around at all the other masked people walking around and dancing. The golden chandeliers shine intensely, sending a light through all the hallways of the castle.
“It's gorgeous isn't it?"
Oscar stares at his fiancé with a big, cheerful smile.
"It would be amazing to live here."
Emily looks back at Oscar and sends back a smile of excitement.
"Would you like to dance?"
Oscar lays out his hand as an offer but before Emily was able to respond, trumpets echo all throughout the ballroom and the stunning golden doors, at the top of the stairs in the far center of the room, open up. A short man walks out wearing a blue suit, a red beak mask, and a blue hat with a red feather on it.
"Presenting the Almighty, All Powerful, King of Great Britain, King Jason Reindhart"
The doors the man came out of before swing open again and the king steps out wearing a red suit, blue cape, and a golden mask. His Blonde hair and green eyes glisten across the ballroom.
"Thank you, Aethelweard,” The king whispers to the short man next to him.
Aethelward bows and backs away a bit from the king.
"Welcome, one and all, to my Celebration Gathering. This gathering is for another year of no war and another year on my rein here in Great Britain."
The guests start applauding and then the room goes silent as the King begins to talk again
"This has been my third year as king, and these three years have been joyous ones. I will try to keep it that way as long as I am in power! I see everyone is dressed up well. You may be wondering why I chose to make it a masquerade."
The crowd stays quiet waiting for the king to end their curiosity as well as admiring his every word.
"Well the answer is simple, really. A mask hides your identity; it hides who you are and who you were. Think of tonight as a new beginning, anything can happen when no one knows who you truly are."
The crowd applauds again and Jason smiles, loving every minute of his praise.
"Now dance and have fun!"
The music begins again and people begin to waltz.
Aethelweard walk down the stairs along side Jason.
"That was a magnificent speech, my king"
"Thank you and please stop referring to me so formally. You've known me and my family since the day my father was announced king. Just call me Jason."
"You're just like your father, your maj- I mean, Jason."
Jason smiles at him and says
"See was that so hard?"
Aethelweard smiles at him and shakes his head.
Jason gives him a warm smile and as he looks out into the pack of dancers. A woman with a long red dress and a black and white mask in the back of the room catches his eyes.
"Look it's the king! Isn't he amazing!?"
Emily folds her hands and practically drools at the sight of King Jason.
"Amazing! He's awful. He's so spoiled and arrogant. It didn't surprise me to get another invitation for his anniversary as king."
"He's not arrogant! He's fantastic and handsome! Way better looking than you'll ever be!"
Emily looks at Oscar with an infuriated face.
"Of course he is! He has people to fix him up and cover every single problem he has."
"You’re just jealous!"
Emily walks into the crowd of dancers.
"Sweetheart, come back. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you angry."
Oscar follows Emily into the crowd but loses her. He wonders around a bit longer looking for her but then gives up and finds his way out of the crowd.
A server, holding glasses of wine, walks by and Oscar takes one. He drinks it and spots someone walking through the crowd. Hoping it was Emily he goes back in and follows that woman.
Jason walks into the crowd and searches for the woman he saw before. As he looks around the crowd, people halt and stare at him. They let him through as a sign of respect and smile at him.
One person grabs his arm and makes him lose balance. He collides into a woman, and falling on top of her.
"I'm so sorry madam."
Jason gets up and helps the woman up.
The woman looks at him and stares with amazement.
The crowd stops to watch what had just happened.
The woman Oscar was following stops along with the rest of the people, and Oscar grabs the woman’s arm and pulls her towards him.
Jason looks back into the woman's eyes and smiles.
"It's you!"






User Comments: [5]
Gabriel55
Community Member





Sat Nov 15, 2008 @ 05:04am


Hello eveyone.
This is the first capter of my first story. I hope you liked it so far. I told you most of the characters already and the setting. I think you should be able to guess the time period. I'm going to be writing a chapter every week or something like that, so thank you for reading it and they'll be more soon.


Count Chocolat
Community Member





Sat Nov 15, 2008 @ 05:41am


I love it. Who is she? What does she have to do with King Jason? Amazing. It's an interesting concept and I love the story thus far.

But as always, there has to be something to be improved on. I'll get to the point [I hope I'm not too harsh sweatdrop ]: near the beginning, your sentence structure seems choppy and awkward. It's good, but maybe melting some sentences together will add to the elegance of the piece and using a slightly different vocabulary.

Other than that, I love it. The dialogue seems a bit informal to me, but I can see how. I love it. ^^


Gabriel55
Community Member





Sun Nov 16, 2008 @ 04:07am


Thanks for the criticism and I invite all others to criticize as well.

Chapter is now edited.

BTW you can also find my stories on fictionpress.com


BlondieluvsCrazyB
Community Member





Mon Dec 01, 2008 @ 01:26am


I love it! Very nice writing style. The formal dialogue sets a nice picture for the time period and compliments it well. So far the first chapter has me hooked, and I must say I do love the characters.
Not sure how to react to Emily's sudden mood change. I can see how you might have wanted to steer it in a certain direction for the plot, it just seemed a little sudden and strange.
I am uber curious as to who this woman is and why shes important to the King. >.> im quite intrigued.
As far as the writing goes, I give you massive Kutos. Better than anything ive written in a long time. The only thing i would really criticize is the fact that you seem to melt scenes involving different characters situations together instead of spacing them out one at a time. Like when Oscar is running after Emily and the King runs into that girl. I can see how it would work because the two scenes are happening at the same time so to switch back and forth makes it more intense, like in a movie. I guess it was just a little hard for me to follow ^^
But really good job. I enjoyed it xD


CLICK FISH
User Comments: [5]
 
 
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