|
|
|
I am nineteen years old. I am barely old enough to be considered an adult. Now is the time where I want to enjoy my life, finish school, do stupid things that is not fitting for those of middle age. Therefore, I do not even want to THINK about marriage. I don't want to THINK about starting a family. Hell, I don't even LIKE kids right now. If it happens, then it'll happen, but dammit, until it does, I'm not going to bother with it.
I know you'll read this, and I know you'll be thinking, "I already know this," but it seems like our little conversation upset you. Well... I am NOT ready for marriage, I don't even want to ******** discuss it. I don't want to THINK about it. I'm NINETEEN! I haven't finished school, gotten a tattoo, smoked weed, been drunk, had sex, and a million other things that people our age (varying a bit on the sex bit) normally do. It's FAR too early for me to be getting married.
You know that I love you, but I don't love you in the way you obviously want me to. You've said that you're 'okay' with it, but I can tell you aren't, not really. You want it, but guess what? I can't MAKE myself fall in love with you, and I refuse to try, because if it's forced, it's worthless. I'm not going to try and force myself to love ANYBODY. Dammit, if I'm going to marry someone, it's going to be for the RIGHT reasons, I REFUSE to be my mother. I refuse to marry someone for the security they may offer, the convenience, the ******** reason.
On another note:
"This is one of those points in time where I feel used, not loved. I don't suggest you try to convince me otherwise, right now... It would require you to actually show some sort of real affection and appreciation... You were never good at that before your grandmother... And you're even worse at it now."
Well... EXCUSE ME for being such a lousy friend. Perhaps you should find a REAL friend, who'll let you cuddle into whatever part of her you want and not complain if it makes her uncomfortable. One who's a bit more attuned to 'emotional' crap, one who can even return your wish for more than mutual friendship.
I am CONTENT with mutual friendship. I don't want anything more. Not now. Maybe not ever, but that's the future. I'm not going to worry about that now, because I have more pressing s**t to deal with than my hypothetical future married life and husband. Forgive me for being honest, and it may seem cruel, but meh. Believe it or not, I AM capable of actual bitchiness, and if I am such a sucky friend, why are you still hanging around?
 Azzy-chan89 · Sun Nov 23, 2008 @ 07:35am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
