Welcome to another episode of "WHATEVER THIS STORY IS CALLED":
brought to you by Kyrinn and masked-phantom.
And teamwork. Lots and lots of teamwork. Because we're freaking Power Rangers.
Al, captain of the guard and official toast-maker, sat down on the garden path. He settled comfortably upon the crushed bones and then placed the basket of roses in his lap, starting to braid them into his long flowy, far too elf-like hair. Zane glanced at him, arched an eyebrow, and then decided to look away, save his eyes explode into balls of fiery fire of fiery flame.
Sjez gazed at Al for a bit, muttering, "Those were for lunch..." He then proceeded to look around him for something else edible that could be stewed with crayons.
"At least we won't have to eat flowers," Zane grumbled, tapping his smoking crayon and knocking off some ash and molten drops of wax before placing it back between his lips. In the background, the royal trelf was merely glaring straight ahead, still quite upset about the matter of his face.
"But eating flowers is very *manly*," Sjez replied. Jenny raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"I think I'd have to agree with Zane on this one," the scribe said.
Sjez began his explanation. "Look, we all agree that devouring the corpses of your enemies is manly and trollish, yes?"
The assembled trelves nodded
"And flowers, being neither manly nor trollish, are representative of the elves. Since elves are our enemies, if we eat what represents them, it is an act of manliness and trollishness."
Zane blinked, furrowing his brow. "...You do have a point," the trelf said, and then walked up to Al, swiftly smacking him upside the head so that all the roses fell out of his hair and flew into the basket in a surprisingly tidy manner. "Stop braiding your hair with the corpses of our enemies"
Meanwhile, the kingish guy was still glowering.
Al wailed in protest, causing Sjez to quickly shove a rose back into the official toast-maker's hands, The gardener/chef then quickly snatched the rest of the roses away before Al could get to them.
Jenny, meanwhile, coughed. "Your Majesty... you know, all that glowering isn't doing much to improve your face."
His Highness snapped his head at Jenny, odd expression still fixated, though... his eyebrows were knitted together... kinda...
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!" he snarled.
Al rolled around in front of him making cooing noises and playing with his rose.
If the aura of anger hadn't already been ruined by His Majesty's face, it was definitely ruined by that.
"He is now playing with the corpse of our enemy," Sjez noted. The trelf pulled out the handbook of manliness that every trelf carried and consulted it. "Is that a manly action?"
His Majesty face-palmed yet again. "AL!" he barked.
"Well..." Zane pondered upon this. "I believe, technically, yes--say if you were to make a puppet with the plucked head of one of your enemies, as done by the Dark Warlock, Sir Richard, Lord of the Dance," the trelf noted, but then looked down upon Al. "Rolling around like a kitten however... not so much."
"Hmm...he is a paradox," Sjez noted, as if the whole race of trelves wasn't in the first place.
Meanwhile, Al had perked up at the summons of the royal guy. "Yeeeeees?"
"You have ruined the aura of my anger!" His Majesty snapped.
Al's face dropped in dismay, and then he quickly scrambled to his feet, dusting himself off. He bit his lower lip and looked down at the bright pink rose in his hands.
Then he placed it atop the royal-y guy's head. "All better!"
The royal guy looked as if he were about to burst some important blood vessel.
Al noted that the pulsing blood vessel was the exact shade of pink as the rose. They matched quite well.
Jenny, seeing the imminent danger, cried out, "SO! How about we go conquer some nations??"
"NOT WITH MY FACE WE WON'T!" the royal guy hissed, clenching his fists.
"But during our explorations, we may find some way to cure your face!" Jenny said convincingly.
This calmed His Highness down, quite a bit, as he was ever searching for the cure to this peculiar curse of face-ness.
And he supposed that conquering some countries couldn't be all that bad.
"It will be a quest!" Jenny continued enthusiastically. "A quest for glory and wealth and the curing of face-ness!"
"And then the elves shall see how great we really are!" His Majesty added, nodding to emphasize his also exuberant enthusiasm.
Since, of course, he couldn't express it with his expression.
"Exactly!" Jenny crowed. Zane and Sjez looked on blankly, while Al cheered at the fact that the royal guy was feeling better.
"Can it wait until after lunch?" Sjez asked, indicating the basket of roses.
"Yeah, and I need to go buy some more crayons before we set out, I'm low," Zane added, realizing that his supply of smokes was down to only 2 boxes, which would, at most, get him through the day.
"Oooh! Can I bring along Mr. Ducky?" Al squealed, holding up a pink rubber duck with a bow around its neck.
"What nation should we conquer first?" Jenny added.
"Emit a Nopu Ecno, is probably the closest nation with the least amount of weaponry," Zane said, drawing a gizmo gidget gadget thingy from his pocket and poking the screen, looking very secret-service like.
"Emit a Nopu Ecno?" Sjez blinked.
His Majesty gasped in astonishment, staring at Zane. "You actually did something useful??"
"Once Upon a Time was deemed cliché, but the inhabitants weren't intelligent to come up with anything but spelling it backwards..." Zane explained. "And YES, I can do useful things..." the trelf glowered. Apparently the problem of having few crayons to smoke was motivating him so that he could get his fix.
"At least it's pronounceable," Sjez muttered.
"True, but it's too long... four whole words... that's almost as bad as 'the United States of America,' I mean, who can remember a name as long as that?" Zane pointed out. "Whatever happened to names like 'England'?"
"Finland Finland Finland!" Al sang. "That's the country for me!"
"I SAID 'ENGLAND.'"
"Ohh. Sorry," the Captain of the Guard apologized, looking abashed.
Zane rolled his eyes while, for the umpteenth time today, His Majesty face-palmed.
"Well, once we conquer this place, we'll force them to change the name," His Majesty said decisively. "Preferably to something like 'Trelves-are-awesome-and-elves-suck.'"
"Or the ever popular alternative, 'The-not-so-democratic-republic-of-elves-need-to-absquatulate,'" Jenny nodded.
"Guys... Food. Smokes. Quest. NOW." Zane narrowed his eyes as he spoke.
"Or we could be simple and name it 'ELVES SUCK'," Sjez added. The trelf then looked to the pretty gold and marble sundial that was etched with crude trollish death symbols. "Oh, look at the time. I have to go make lunch."
And so he did.
Zane lit another crayon and then went to lurk around the castle grounds until it was Fewd Tiem.
Jenny then scooped up his mountain of scrolls, which... apparently were mostly unneeded, as he had only opened one of them to explain his brilliant plan... and then he scampered off towards his desk.
Which left the royal guy alone with Al.
DUN DUN DUNNNNN
Wait, what?
"We should sing a song!" Al exclaimed happily.
He then grabbed His Majesty's hands and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" while.
"NOOOOOOO" His Majesty cried, desperately trying to untangle himself from Al.
"Not the SINGING!"
"We're no strangers to love... you know the rules, and so do I! A full commitment's what I'm thinking of... you wouldn't get this, from any other guy!" Al continued, ignoring His Highness's flailings.
"GAH!"
Mercifully, at this time, the loudspeaker went on and Sjez's voice announced from the kitchen, "FEWD TIEM."
"Ooh, yum! Stewed roses and crayons! I hope my bowl is piiiiink~!" Al squealed before scampering off towards the dining hall as the royal trelf collapsed upon the ground, twitching violently.
A few hours later, the royal guy recovered enough to finally push himself to his feet, just as the vultures were about to start swooping in on him. Batting off the pesky birds, His Majesty shakily started back to the palace.
When he entered the hall, a mystical choir of cherubs started singing the Darth Vader theme song.
This singing was okay, though, since it was *evil* singing.
Only a few seconds after he arrived, Jenny came hurrying out of some random door with another hugh stack of scrolls in his arms, which he quickly dumped on the table. 'Your Majesty!" the scribe greeted him. "Your presence was missed at lunch."
"What do you want, Jenny?" His Highness grumbled, looking down at the pile of scrolls as his stomach growled. He was tempted to start gnawing upon the parchment.
"I have the map!" the scribe said triumphantly, holding up a roll of parchment. "This way, we know where we're going and...uh..."
Jenny stared blankly as His Majesty grabbed the scroll and began chewing on the end of it.
It had a very bland flavor, His Majesty noted, as he continued to chew on the end of the scroll. Perhaps it would taste better with some soy sauce.
"Erm. Your Majesty?" Jenny said tentatively. "That would be the map. We kind of...need that...to find where we're going. Since, being manly and all, there's no way we can just ask for directions."
His Highness only responded with a muffled "omnomnomnomnom..."
His Majesty spat out the scroll. "What National Security?? I'm the one who gets to use national security as an excuse, not you!"
Jenny snatched the scroll protectively, unrolling it. Sadly, it was not drawn in Sharpie and the ink had run, leaving several parts of the land as unidentifiable messes.
"Whatever," Zane shrugged, leaving to lurk once again now that the map had been secured.
"It's true you know! I'm the executive branch here!" His Majesty shook his fist at Zane's back, stopping only when his stomach growled again, causing the royal trelf to whimper sadly.
Sjez appeared once more to save the day!
The gardener/chef appeared from another random doorway and offered His Majesty a pink bowl of stewed crayons and roses, having microwaved it since it had gone cold while the royal guy was twitching in the garden.
His Majesty promptly devoured it, bowl and all, not even noticing the vibrant pink color, so bright that it appeared toxic--though that may just have been because of the microwave radiation.
"Great, are we all set then?" Jenny asked in quite a chipper tone.
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