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Crow Moon: chapter one, the meaning of life. |
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i used to wander what the meaning of life was. was it to have the most fun as you physically can? or was it to stuff as many cookies in your mouth as you could, just to cheer your best friend up. i think i tried everything?
if you met me you'd probably say i was a nice person, that you thought i was cool. truth is. . . im only human. nothing more and nothing less. i am the same as EVERYONE.
or so i keep telling myself . . . even though it never felt that way.
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"what are you doing!?!" she screamed at me.
"i thought you needed my help" i replied deeply confused and slightly scared.
"you're only doing it because you feel bad for me!" she yelled from the car.
"FINE! then i wont help! SORRY FOR ******** CARING!" i said, letting all the anger in me let loose. guess im not helping you with the groceries, i thought fixing my pajama bottoms. bear foot, i proceeded to enter the house. inside father was yelling, his voice boomed and bellowed. he was so loud i could feel the single story ranch trembling on its foundation. it was as if even the house was afrade of him.
'as i walk through the valley of death!' i joked within my head. i tend to do that a lot lately. guess its just another way for me to blow off steam. what else is there to do. i mean seriously, i live in the middle of nowhere. theirs a small town just a mile away, and you have to cross the bridge, unless you wanna fall into the canyon. but that doesn't sound like any fun! snorzvill USA most boring planet on earth. i swear, people her start drama just for the hell of it. to tell you the truth, its immature and it annoys me! not because some of the local rumors are about me, ok yeah that has tons to do with it. also because they are the most ridiculous things you'll ever hear.
example 1: becky and david did it in the bathroom last Wednesday, and the whole reason she's not here is because she got pregnant and had to get an abortion.
BULL s**t! all that happened in one week?!? ok, first of all she didn't do it Wednesday because she was SICK that day too!!! second. she couldn't have found out that soon!
my father shouted something, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"what?" i questioned tensing in reaction to his voice.
"oh common! were you even listening to a word i said?!" he questioned, vein throbbing and face reddening at the same time.
"sorry" i winced "i spaced out" i said.
he was PISSED. not even i was stupid enough to test his self-control today. not only that but i was already having a crappy week. didn't want to make it worse, not that it could.
"well your math teacher called again. . . he said you haven't been doing your work! what are we supposed to do!? your mother and i cant do your work for you!!! skipping!? he said you've been skipping too!!! do you even realize that your mother and i could get arrested for this!?!?!" he said laying it on thick.
i quietly listened, knowing that it just got worse. maybe now it couldn't get any worse. just then mother walked in, tears streamed down her face. 'on my freaking god! was i doomed to be a jinx to myself!?!' i thought
"today was my birthday!!!" she balled, mumbling more things. between the sobs and sporadic breaths, you could hear her talking, but her words fell victim to her god awful, red sweater. sad really
"you forgot her birthday!?!" my dad hollered into my face. his face beat red, and the vein on his forehead throbbed violently. 'OH GOD' i thought starting to cower in fear of being hit.
"ugh! you cant do anything!!!" his words stung, 'wasn't being a slave doing something?' i thought remembering all the times they made me do "chores" and "favors" what was the point!? yelling at me, i know im never going to get anywhere in life! i know i mess up on everything i do! for gods sake! i can't even make god damn popcorn without burning it to an extra crisp! why yell at me? why repeat the same things over and over, when i already have them memorized by heart! not that i wanted to, but i had to keep myself entertained whenever i got a lecture.
*THHWACK* 's**t!' i thought sitting up on the floor. my right cheek hurt, and was probably bright red. i was wrong again, things just got worse. wasn't it enough that they made me feel like s**t EVERYDAY? was hitting me really the answer?! 'this was it,' "I HATE YOU" i shouted out, picking myself up from the floor. with a running start i bolted out the front door and lept off the top step of our porch. the summer heat was the first thing to greet me, then the fresh grass. the rain had just started as i slid across the grass, i didn't let it slow me down. bare foot, i took off across the front lawn, running down the street, nothing but the clothes on my back an cell phone in my pocket.
i didn't know where i was going, but i just kept running. it felt good; rain on my skin, and wind in my face. i loved that last one more than anything. for once i was free! for a split second i was happy. happiest i have been in the last 3 years. my feet kept moving, long after i lost my breath. i wasn't sure where i was going, but my feet did, and i was going to follow them.
everything started sinking in. there was no way i was going back, and i was NOT going to wait for it to calm down. if i would have stayed, i . . . i would have exploded. no, worse, i would take my own life. their was a sharp pain in my feet, when i looked down at them i realized i had step on the broken bottle my father throne at me a few days ago. this served as the straw that broke the camel's back, he wasn't even here and he could still hurt me! the rain slowed, and then stopped completely. i let out a heavy sigh, and continued walking. blood fallowed silently behind me.
*BUZZ*
*BUZZ*
*BUZZ*
"hello?" i picked up, calming myself so that i at least sounded fine.
"HEY!" he said excitedly.
"whats up?" i replied. down under my calm mask i knew something was up, and that i wasn't going to like it.
"you at home? i need to talk to you!" he said.
"no, sorry, im across town right now" i lied. and hated it. specially lying to him. . . it hurt me.
"oh" disappointment pierced his voice
"why whats up?" i finally asked.
"well . . . " he hesitated "theres this girl."
"OH?" curiosity was getting the best of me.
"yeah. i was wandering if you could talk to her for me, seeing as she is in a few of your classes. Faith, thats her name" he said
*CRUNCH* there went my heart. as well as the little happy feeling i felt when running.
"sure" i lied, my mask started crumbling. why wasn't it me? i hung up the phone. letting it fall into a near by puddle. curiosity just killed the cat. i didn't know which was worse, the glass in my foot or this.
i was soaked, and the only thing i heard was the sound of horny men, honking their horns and shouting different forms of profanity at me. their pathetic mating calls fell on deaf ears, as i continued making my way to the bridge. half way down i walked past a guy, he reminded me of myself, long black hair, blank expression, and soaked to the bone. he walked passed hands in his pockets not paying attention to me at all. just continued on his merry little way. as soon as he passed me i heard someone call my name. i wasn't paying much attention, then he ran up to me.
"HEY!!! what happened!? are you alright?!?! your phone dropped the call, when i tried to call you back it said your phone had been disconnected!" he stopped, pulling his button up, white shirt off, and wrapping it around my shoulders. i payed no attention. i was mad, hurt, broken, bruised, depressed, confused, and all i wanted was to be alone. i continued to walk. i continued to walk, he stepped out of my way and watched in confusion, as i calmly climbed up to one of the angel statues. it was the mid way mark for the bridge, and i held my hand to the statue's leg, asking for forgiveness for what i was about to do.
for a few seconds it seemed the angel was judging me. then i heard someone gasp. "get her down from there!" i woman cried out. i turned and looked over my shoulder, 'great i crowd was forming' i thought turning my head back i saw a tall skinny man, in what seemed to be a jogging suit. 'great' i thought. i wrapped my arm around the statues leg. "hey you!" the man in the jogging suit called to me. "you dont want to do this! trust me!" he said. 'HA! how would he know, has he ever jumped to his death? no i thought that' i said in my mind. "no way! now go away!" i cried out. "you should listen to him sweet heart!" another woman called out.
"GOD! Cant you people just shut the ******** up!?" i shouted angrly at the crowd. "for gods sake! your not HELPING anyone! so just leave me alone, i want to die alone and in peace!" i shouted again. i hadn't noticed but the man in the jogging suit had made it close enough to grab my arm, as a reflex i shoved him away. The crowd gasped and some even screamed, as he fell, with a thud, back to the safety of the bridge. i gave another heavy sigh and turned around, concentrating on the long fall to the bottom of the canyon. there was another Gasp.
'GOD! what is it now!?' i thought looking over my shoulder. the man with the long black hair had climbed up. 'what the hell' i thought "if he couldn't get me down what makes you think that you could do any better? and i CLEARLY remember saying i wanted to die alone. why weren't they respecting my last wishes!?" i said to him. he didn't respond, just stood there, looking at me. at first i glanced him over, then i looked him in the eyes. his eyes were a beautiful scarlet color. i watched them intently, then i noticed they were glowing, a bit confused i blinked again. they were glowing brighter now.
the clouds started to break apart, and the moon shed its pail light onto us. for a split second i was amazed by how his pail skin shimmered in the moon light, then "just walk towards me, everything will be fine." he said, his voice was enough to make the songbirds jealous. my brain shut down, the only thing i saw was him. i took a step forward, my feet moved without me telling them to. "you're doing just fine, don't look down . . . good" he cooed. i slowly inched my way towards him, obeying his every word.
i was watching his eyes, when i saw a blue flash out of the corner of my eye. then a red, and another blue. i blinked twice then turned to look "s**t" the man said. it was a police car. 'great' i thought glaring as two cops got out. they started shouting at me, trying in vain to get me to come down. suddenly the crowd burst out in a cheer. i realized why, the man that climbed up to save me had gotten next to me. he placed his cool hand on my shoulder, startled i jumped a little taking three steps back. "Just leave me alone already!!!" i said starting to cry.
my mind was a mess, so many thought's swarmed my head, and the crowd started chattering, arguing, shouting, along with the police. i wished they would stop! that they would leave me be. my feet were hurting, i was getting a headache, the crowd still chattered. "look at me" the man said, my thoughts turned into wasps, stinging my head, stirring up things i didn't want to think about. i started to cry, sobbing i begged them all to leave. to no avail.
 Roukan Ookami · Thu Dec 18, 2008 @ 02:02am · 1 Comments |
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