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And then, it hits me.

Emotional warning guys, you've been warned.


Over the last couple of days I've been thinking, about my life, my future and what's going to happen. At this moment it's all going to be about my career.

Why? Well I'll explain why. I look at families with their kids, all laughing and having a good time, and I realize, I'll never have that, not kids of my own at least. I'll have nieces and nephews, but not ones of my own, ones I can dedicate my life too, and most countries won't let gay couples adopt anyway.

Dating? Dating is always going to be hard and awkward. I mean, an average guy can meet a girl anywhere. They can meet them at the park, while running their dog, while jogging, at work, on the go, on the sidewalk, at a bar, well you get the drift. What do I do? If I like someone, I can't go right up to them and ask them out, because I don't know if they're gay or not, and starting off a conversation with "Are you gay?" isn't exactly an ideal thing to do. Sometimes I think about moving to America for university, but I don't know. I mean I'll have a better chance of meeting somewhere there, but I am not really sure, but I have always liked the idea of small towns and Australia really doesn't have a lot (and no I am not moving to San Fransisco for those of you who are thinking it).

And then, there is getting married/getting a civil union, what's after that? More work? There is certainly nothing we can set a goal for, like kids. Because we know that isn't possible, sure it'll be great, for a while. But after my 20's, what's left? Growing old together sounds good, but with nothing to do, as you get older, with your marriage, you start to think, what's the point? You know?

And it's weird, cause as I am writing this, I'm trying not to cry, and I don't even know why I'd want too cry in the first place. But maybe it's just the sudden realization of this whole thing. It's hit me like a ton of bricks, and I guess I am just a little confused, maybe scared about what my life is going to be, but I honestly, don't know anymore.