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Skin color never really meant anything to me, I see everyone as the same but in this school skin color was everything. Not in the way you might think, most people would think it’s a bunch of white kids ganging up on kids of color but here it was flipped. I was the kid of no color; I was way too pale to fit in with any one there. I remember this one girl, her name was Andrea. She had a slight hooked nose, the way a witch would, and her long and dark colored hair was slightly frizzy which didn’t help her case. She was not black, I never really knew what she was but I always thought her to be Mexican because sometimes she would speak with an accent. Andrea wore trashy clothes most of the time, whatever she could get away with she would do. She always had her gang with her too; they followed her and did what she did in hopes she would one day notice them. They too were her victims. Andrea gave a whole new meaning to the ‘popular’ girl. I didn’t go clothes shopping often, I always wore things my mother approved of and brought for me and we didn’t have a lot of money so I didn’t get new clothes often in the first place. One time I got this shirt, this is how it all started, with this one white shirt. The straps tried around the neck and the back was pretty reveling, not something fourth grader wears but I was excited I even owned such a thing. I wore it under a sweat shirt because I was sure I would get in trouble if a teacher saw it, but even with the baggy shirt on me I felt daring, brave, and free. I sat on the swing alone, I had a few friends but they would not understand my feelings for this one piece of clothing. I didn’t even understand why I liked the thing so much. I stared out across the cement ocean we called our playground and over to where Andrea and her posse was. That’s when I realized my new shirt was a lot like Andrea’s wardrobe. I then noticed I always wanted things they wanted but at the same time I prized myself in being different on purpose. I didn’t like following the crowd, as I thought about all this I didn’t see Andrea coming over to the swings as well. I was tired of being the jealous one so I took off the sweat shirt and let everyone see my new and very clean shirt. Andrea come over, I closed my eyes and expected the worse but was surprised when she told me,
“Hey! Nice shirt!”
I quickly shuffle through my suddenly frozen brain and think of my genius response, which was,
“T-Thanks.”
One of the girls closer to Andrea than the rest came up and sat next to me, all thoughts I once had about being ‘different' a moment before just flew right out the window as the 'popular' girls were talking to me! Me! Of all the kids on the play ground that cold morning they were talking to me! It never occurred to me they had any plans or plots against me but if I knew then what I know now- I would have never wore that shirt, never.
"You should so totally wear it inside!" Andrea said to me,
"Oh yeah! That would be so cool of you!" Agreed her pet friend. I thought about this for a moment, I knew that showing so much skin was against school rules and I opened my mouth to tell them that but the magic word she used sunk in, cool. She said if I did I would be cool. That was something I was not around here, cool. I was the odd one out, the third wheel, the ghost of the school. To be cool in anyway, shape or form was always a deep desire of mine, no matter how much I told the world I hated following the crowd. Ignorance is bliss right? So I ended up doing it though as soon as Andrea was away and a teacher was around a threw my sweater back on. Glad to have that over with. The next day my head was still spinning from the thought Andrea said I would be cool. Again that word, cool. It seem to haunt my very existence! Then my thoughts were again interrupted by Andrea.
"You should hang with us today!" She said with a smile so nice it had to be fake but it seemed to have fooled me and I did. Andrea used the words 'you should' a lot. It ended up as,
"You should stop hanging with the losers you call friends and hang with me!" So I did. That week of my life had to be the oddest. What I did was certainly not I normally did, and my friends quickly noticed. I made rude comments to people I didn't even know! When i walked the halls it seemed everyone hated me that much more than before, like I had grown some evil aura but I couldn't tell, I could only feel the cool. I was with Andrea and she was cool therefore I was cool too! I was very cool, so cool that I made ice cube jealous. My closest gamer friend Alex took me aside, he told me,
"Your not a cool kid! Your not cool, their just using you! Can't you see?" He said, when I refused to believe him he tried to use our favorite video game, Halo, to convince me.
"They are like the Covenant! They think their way is best and the right way so they destroy anything they think is wrong or uncool! Don't let them destroy you!" I merely laughed it off though I had a deep sense of dread he was right but I walked away from him anyway off to another day in the paradise of cool kid land. That's when Andrea finally shattered it. They took me to the middle of the cement kickball field we had. I wondered why we were so far away from the other kids but I didn't have to wonder long.
"Did you really think you were cool! Hah, so funny!" She started to laugh so hard at me, soon all her closed minded slaves laughed along with her not really knowing what was going on within the depths of her mind. I couldn't believe what I heard next out of her mouth!
"Your so white! Like a ghost! Your shirt is white too! What an ugly shirt!" I was shocked, I looked down at my prized shirt and couldn't take it anymore. With my vision severely blurred and ran and jumped the nearby fence- then I ran. As far as I could. As far as the soccer field would let me. I fell to my knees, the laughter was still ringing in my ears and that magic, poisonous word haunted me yet again, cool, so cool, so utterly cool that you can never reach it without stepping on everyone around you to reach it. Without tainting young minds and destroying everything you touch.
I never wore that white shirt again, I never thought about being popular again, I never ever hurt my friends in such a way again. I will always remember what you did to me Andrea. I will never forget that week and I will never forget the lesson you and your cool taught me. Its way better being me than it is being cool. I will never forget, so thanks for the lesson that made me believe in me
 MegatronHarbringerofDeath · Wed Feb 04, 2009 @ 02:42am · 0 Comments |
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