I'm a little bored so here ya go.
Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
I woke several hours later in a daze."
Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
Peter: Don't worry Chris. Sometimes it's good not to fit in. (Flashback to Vietnam)
Peter (dressed in a clown suit): You guys are stupid. Their gonna be looking for army people.
Peter - I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life. Guy - OH MY GOD!
Peter - No no no, I'm just kiddin. She's dead.
Tom Tucker: Because of an accident today at the Quahog cable company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets, how about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
Camera man: Hey guys, we're still on in Boston.
I guess that's enough for now.
 Hanzo Shikyu · Sat Nov 05, 2005 @ 12:39am · 0 Comments |
