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Hiari's Journal
Any random think that crosses my mind.
A Town With No People
This is the story from 'Chobits' that Chii reads.

The first part kinda describes the vague feeling that I keep hidden in the back of my heart and mind. I normally ignore it or make sure my eyes don't wander to that cold emptyness. No, not cold, but drawing my attention to the lack of warmth it wants. But every now and then, like now, I glance over and see the pitiful little thing. Who knew relying on someone else, someone whom you don't even know yet, could be so excruciatingly long?!


Volume 1: Intro
In this city...there are no people.
The lights are on in all the houses. But there's nobody on the streets.
Are there people inside? I peek in a window to find out.
There are people. But they are with them.
I look in other houses. These people are with them, too.
This city is just like all the rest.
Being with them is fun. More fun than being with people.
Nobody comes outside anymore. There are no people in this city.
I will leave this city and go to another one.
I hope that I will meet someone. Someone just for me.
But if that special someone falls in love with me...
I will have to leave that someone.
Even so, I want to meet that special someone.
This is what I think as I leave the city with no people.



Volume 2: Someone Just For Me
Just as I feared...there's no one here either.
Everyone is inside with them.
Being with them is like living a beautiful dream.
A beautiful dream that no one wants to wake up from.
They will grant your deepest wishes.
They will do whatever you ask. They will be whatever you want.
They can do things that you cannot.
But...there is one thing...they cannot do.
They can never become people.
They might look like people, but they are only substitutes.
I know this very well because I am one of them.
Today I look for someone just for me.
Someone who will love me even if I can't fulfill their wishes.
Someone who has love for me alone.
But...
There is another me.
The other me asks..."Does such a person exist?"
I need...someone whose love for me is true.
I want...someone who loves me without asking anything in exchange.
I hope...unless that someone loves me for being me...
...they're not someone just for me.
Is this so?
"It is."
This someone exists?
"He does."
If so...then where?
My someone is nearby, I think. Perhaps I already know him.
"But..."
"...what if that person does not love you back?"
"What if that person likes someone...other than you?"
"People aren't like them. You can't erase their feelings."
"People aren't easy to change."
I know.
But people do change. Their feelings are dynamic.
"Feelings of love are more resistant than others."
"What if he never loves you?"
The I'll have to decide.
Decide...and then do what must be done.
Me and the other me.



Volume 3: They Can Do Anything
They...can do anything.
They are super-people made by people.
They can be prettier than the real thing.
They can be smarter than the real thing.
They can be whatever people want them to be.
Whatever people can dream of.
When the people saw their creation, they thought that their dreams had come true.
But then...people forgot their dreams.
And in time, they invited people to share a new dream...
...a dream they can't wake up from.
But...
Is that the dream that people want? Is that what happiness is?
They...were created to make people happy.
But...are people truly happy being with them?
Is this city with no people truly happy?
I don't know. Because...
Happiness depends on the individual.
All people are different. No two are the same.
What makes one person happy...might make another sad.
People's souls come in all shapes and sizes.
And as time goes on and a person grows, their soul can change.
Their hopes and dreams can change.
That's why...there isn't just one type of happiness.
Then...
...there must be a way that I can be happy, too?
That is what we all want, isn't it?
To find the person just for you, to find your own happiness...
...that would be wonderful, wouldn't it?



Volume 4: A Wish That Can't Be Granted
One day I went to a new city.
They are in this city, too.
There is no place without them anymore.
The people are with them.
There are as many of them as there are people.
But...
There is only one person just for me...
...and I still have not found him.
You are a person, aren't you?
What was that? I should do what with my hand?
Hold it out?
Where are you taking me?
Is this your house? Why did you bring me here?
Are you...
Are you...
...the person just for me?
You might be...but...
Perhaps this person only brought me here...
...because I am one of them.
Maybe he's just like everyone else. Maybe he just wants me to grant his wishes.
I'm not like the rest of them. There is one wish I cannot grant.
For if I were to grant that wish, I would...
...have to say goodbye forever to the someone just for me.




Volume 5: Little By Little
Many days have passed since you...
...brought me to this place.
You still go outside, even when you have me.
You experience many things outside.
And then you come home and tell me about them.
Sometimes you even take me outside.
Even though I'm one of them.
You tell me that I can do whatever I want with my things, as if we were equals.
Little by little, the time with you and me passes.
Little by little, this space becomes yours and mine.
Little by little, the distance is moving.
Yours and my distance.
But has the distance between us gotten smaller?
Or has it grown bigger?
I don't know.
I do know that I want it to be smaller.
But then the same thing would happen again.
"It won't be the same."
"This person isn't that person."
"It's someone else. People are all different."
"Even if people look the same...
"...they're all a little bit different."
"No two hearts are exactly the same."
"That's why the same thing won't happen."
Then is that person the "someone just for me?"
I don't know.
But...
...I'm starting to hope he is.
In this place that this person brought me to...
Little by little...
...little by little...
...I'm beginning to hope that...
...I can start finding happiness.
But...
...someone will come to stop it.
Someone will come to prevent me from finding the someone just for me.
And...
That person will take care of me.
But it's not because I'm me.
That person is kind.
To all people and all of them...
...he is kind.
Right.
That person is kind...
...and probably not just towards me.
But even if that person is kind to all, his kindness should be a little different each time.
He can't be kind in the same way to everyone...
...because that person is a person.
That's right.
A person's heart can't stay the same forever.
A person's heart changes a little bit everyday...
...because that is their nature.
It can be different.
It doesn't always have to be the same.
If he...
...finds in me the things that make me special.
If he likes me because I am me.
If that person...
...takes the time to find what makes me different from the others...
If he likes me because I am me...
...if that happens...
...we may be able to become something a little different from before.
I may not have to lose what's most important to me...
...like last time.
What's most important...
...what's most important to them and to people...
...is something precious...
...something you can't lose.
The proof that I am who I am...
...the special proof.
That proof will tell me who my someone is.
That special, special...
..."someone just for me."



Volume 6: Please Find Me
Once, long ago, I lost something precious to me.
I went through...
...something very painful in the past.
Something very, very painful.
Even now, my heart hurts.
Even now, the pain still lingers...
...from when I lost what was precious to me.
But I am still searching.
Still searching for that thing most precious.
I am me.
I am one of them.
Because I am me.
Because I am not a human.
Even so.
Because it is so.
Someone who loves me because I am me.
Someone who I'll love because he is him.
The "someone just for me."
I know that...
...I am you...
...and you are me.
That's how I know that...
Inside of me, I'm one full person.
I am happy when that person smiles.
I am happy when that person is near.
Yes.
I am happy...
...when that person is happy.
That person is special, different from other people.
'You found it!'
'The thing that makes that person special...
...that makes him different from the rest...is that he is him.'
I found him.
The person that's precious and special...
The "someone just for me."
I hope that person finds them.
The things that he can't do because he is him.
The things that he can do because he is him.
I have found him.
I fell in love with him because he is that person.
Hopefully, he will find them.
The things that I can do because I am me.
The things that I can't do because I am me.
That person will find them.
And then...
...hopefully he will love me...
...because I am me.
Out of all people and all of them...
...I want him to find me.
And I want him to love me.
This feeling inside of me...
...is very soft.
But sometimes it hurts.
I become full of this feeling when I think of that person.
'Do you feel that way about everybody?'
No, only when I think of that person.
'What happens when you're with that person?'
I get warm...
..like I'm glowing inside.
'What if you can't be together?'
It hurts.
It really, really hurts right here.
'Like you're about to die?'
We can't die.
We can't die because we're not alive.
'Perhaps not.'
'But it feels the same as if we could.'
'Because we are them.'
'I hope we can be happy someday...
...when you find your "someone just for you."'
But...
...if we don't become happy...
...if the "someone just for me" knows all the things I can and cannot do because I am me...
...and he still doesn't choose me, then...
Then...
I will have to decide what to do...
...about you...
...and about us.
'What is wrong?'
It hurts.
If the "someone just for me" does not choose me...
...I'm afraid the hurt right here will be so bad...
...that I'll stop working.
'It's a powerful feeling, isn't it?'
'A hurt so strong it can cause you to break.'
There are no people in this city...
...but through their windows, everyone looks happy inside.
Are these people truly happy?
...are they truly happy?
I am surrounded by people who stay inside with them...
...but I am all alone as I walk through this city with no people.
All I want right now, more than anything else...
...is to be with him.
The glow inside is brightest when that person is near...
...and the pain inside hurts more when he is away.
I am happiest when I think about that person...
...I am saddest when I think about that person.
That person makes all my feelings more intense.
That must be what love is.
So please...
...let the person that I love...
...be the "someone just for me."





 
 
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