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i feel so lame right now. i cant tell the one i love how i feel about him. i was just talking to him. also, he knew something. he knew that i was happy that he broke up with my best friend. i was caught off guard. so i said why do you say that. i'm thinking, that was so lame. i dont know how to tell him that i love him. its kind of killing me in the inside. whats killing me more is that he's trying to get me to date other guys. i dont want to date anyone but him. i dont want to kiss anyone but him. i want to tell him so bad but i just cant get the words out plus im scared to tell him. also, i'm not sure if he feels the same way about me. i just dont want to get hurt so badly. i was gonna hurt myself but im like no. i'm making progress and i dont want to screw it up again. i'm 1 week clean. i want to make it to a year or even more. the most is 10 months. i was doing very well then i f**ked it up. *sigh* how do i tell him with out getting really scared or freaking out. it took me a lot of courage to call him cause i was kind of scared to call. again, i feel so lame right now. emo