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She couldn't believe her ears. Her body froze and a wave of numbness consumed her.
"We're over, Caitlin. It's just not working for me. I'm sorry, but this is goodbye.."
And he'd walked away towards his car, entered it, started the ignition, and drove off into the dark leaving her standing at her front porch, mouth slightly parted and body shaking.
A few moments passed before reality hit her and she felt her body go limp, she clutched the rail for support as she let the tears that had been threatening wash across her face. She cried out in anguish.
It was over.. Everything they'd built over the past year and a half had been crushed tonight. Ever joyful moment that they had spent together was gone and it was only a memory.
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Peep peep peep
My eyes shot open as I reached for the alarm clock which read 7:50 AM.
'Great! I'm late already!'
I scrambled out of bed, tripping in the process. I landed in a heap on the floor but quickly picked myself up and made way for my closet. I picked out the first thing I could find - jeans, and an old T-shirt. I quickly threw them on, grabbed my hairbrush and started furiously trying to detangle last nights tangles. I headed off for the bathroom to brush my teeth before grabbing my backpack and making my famous 10 minute dash to school. If I hurried, I could still make it in time before the first bell!
I reached the bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste out onto it. As I was about to shove the toothbrush in my mouth, I looked into the mirror and froze.
I dropped the toothbrush and it fell to the floor.
I'd looked in the mirror and saw a monster. Mascara and eyeliner were smudged across my face and my eyes were puffy and red.
I sank to the floor.
It wasn't a dream, it really happened. He had broken up with me.
Before I had time to even react I heard an insistant knocking at the bathroom door.
"Caitlin! Do you realize what time it is, young lady? If you don't hurry up your going to be late!"
I mumbled a response, but it must not have been audible because the knocking continued.
"Caitlin! Caitlin, are you okay? What's going on?"
My voice came out hoarse and shaky as I made the attempt to reply again, "I.. I'm not feeling well today. I don't want to go, I..I can't go."
There was a pause, before the voice spoke again.
"Well alright, but I have errands to run and I'm going out with some friends later so you'll be home alone, are you going to be okay?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. After a substantial amount of time there came a few more knocks followed by the voice again, this time speaking in a more panicked tone.
"Caitlin? Honey, are you okay!? Why won't you answer me?! Caitlin!?"
I replied this time, "I'm okay, mom. I'll .. I'll be okay."
That's right... Everything would be okay. I didn't have time for this. Everyone was counting on me. I would get through this. I had to.
.. right?
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I heard my mothers footsteps as she decended down the staircase and then out the front door to go to lunch with her friends and run her errands. As soon as I heard the echo of the front door slamming shut, I became aware that I was crying as I felt a tear gently slide down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and turned my train of thought elsewhere.
I got up off the floor, picking up the toothbrush I'd dropped earlier and proceeded to rinse it off. While doing so I mused to myself.
Today would be the one exception to my perfect school attendance record this year. It was a miracle that I'd even kept it up for this long, having been notoriously known for being tardy, however, this year I had made a promise to myself to be on time every day, and at the end of the year I would reward myself by going out with ... I shook my head furiously, quickly dismissing the unwanted thought.
You know what? I needed to get away. I needed to do something to clear my head, because staying at home wasn't helping anything. A walk! A walk would do it. It was just what I needed. I'd go into town and pick up a few things. I could use a new toothbrush probably..
Without further ado, I exited the bathroom, went downstairs and picked up my coat from the closet and walked outside only to be met with a bitter chill from the wind. I shivered, but trudged onward down the front steps and onto the sidewalk. I turned left and started walking straight towards town which was visible from a distance.
I inhaled the fresh autumn air deeply. It was going to be winter soon. Winter was my least favorite season. I hated the cold like no other. Christmas was the only thing I had to look forward to during that dreary season. I could hardly wait until Christmas this year, my mom and I were going to Canada to visit my grandparents. My dad had died a few years ago in a car crash, I'd been devastated, but ... he'd been there..
I could feel my eyes start to swell over with tears which started to slowly streak down my cheeks, stinging me as the cold made each teardrop seem like an icecube. I quickly wiped them away best I could on my sleeve and walked a bit faster.
Walking felt good.. I ran. I ran away from it all. All the pain, the sorrow, the agony I'd just felt .. I left it all behind and put all my energy into running, and before I knew it I'd reached town.
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For a weekday during the schoolyear, town was suprisingly crowded. All the stay at home moms with their children, buisiness men and women hurrying along to make their next meeting and get to work, or elderly folk with nothing better to do were roaming about in small clusters around me. I was just a single sould drifting amongst many. There was nothing particular about me that made me stand out among the others, aside from my obvious age difference. I paused to look at myself in a shop window. My reflection stared back blankly at me.
I was plain. I was of an average height with shoulder length chesnut brown hair and small brown eyes I'd inherrited from my father. I was of a medium build with pale skin. I had no piercings, tatoos, or unusual birthmarks to show off and I didn't exactly dress to impress. All in all, I was basically a bore to look at; hardly noticeable from a third point perspective. I went along with the crowd again musing to myself and letting myself become deeply engaged in my thoughts.
Ever since I was a little girl, I was always shy and quiet. I wasn't much of a talker, I liked to observe more. It was most likely due to my quiet nature that I wasn't very popular and got picked on a lot. I never had a lot of friends, maybe one or two over the years but they were never lasting relationships.
He had changed that though. He'd reached out to me and showed me a warmth I never knew existed. All those years I'd been stuck in an Arctic wasteland, and then he came into my life and immediately my walls all melted down and I learned to love. I gave him everything I could, I loved him with every inch of my heart.
I had kept walking and unconsciously had wound up at the deserted end of town. I sat down on a bench and let the tears flow freely.
Despite all my efforts, despite everything, I hadn't been enough.
Princess Kitaaa · Wed Apr 15, 2009 @ 02:46am · 0 Comments |
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